How to Mourn
Subtitle: This is a change of plans but I am just not feeling funny this weekend. Sorry.
I was at my own kid's school on Friday so I didn't hear the news. I returned home to a plethora of tweets requesting I hug my kids, kids who had done as they do everyday after school, dashed outside to play. Confused, especially since only so much can be revealed in 140 characters I went to a news website to see what horror happened in Newton, CT. Shock I think is the best way to describe what I was feeling, shock, because as much as I wanted to cry I couldn't, I had to keep it together for my kids.
I waited for my husband to come home so we could talk before calling the kids inside, my kids, ages 6 & 7, just like the angels that died on Friday. Trapped in the inventory room at work, he had not heard either until his commute home, but our initial reaction was the same: we just wanted to lock them in a padded box and never let them out. We can't of course, it's a nice thought, but we brought them in one at a time to explain to them what happened and talk to them about the horrible possibility of something similar happening in their school.
Today's entry is really for me than anyone else. Sorry, but there are no crazy instructions. What I did the rest of the weekend was just try to remain as normal as possible. I understand for some watching the 24/7 coverage was how they coped, but I just couldn't. I still can't. Sure, I want to understand what happened, but right now, now, I'm not there yet. I can't talk about the president's words or know little details of the victims because emotionally I can't do that and then put my own 6 & 7 year old on the bus this week. I didn't watch the service because I'm not ready to admit what I would do were that my own child.
As we enter this week please stop attacking on another. I know we are all angry, but we need to heal a bit before we start tearing into one another. Any trained psychologist can tell you, hell I am just a teacher and I can tell you, that as you move through the stages of grief that it is never wise to make snap judgements during the anger phase. I will save my own political views for now, but I will say that no choice, on either side, made out of anger solved a problem.
And on one final note, I am a teacher. In the United States. Where there exists the phrase: "Those who can do, those who can't teach."
I'm going put it to you this way.
"Those who can, put themselves in front of bullets for your children, this is after they teacher them, love them, guide them and be everything we need them to be while we work. Those you can't, well, watch TV and make judgments."
Love everyone. Understand differences. Be compassionate. Don't be afraid to stand up for what is right.
I would fix it all if I could.