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Saturday, January 26, 2013

How to Figure it all out...

How to figure it all out...
Subtitle: I know this is supposed to be a comedy post but this year has been interesting...
I just needed to get this out. 


Dearest Readers, 

So many of you are new and fast friends and I appreciate each of you coming with me on this journey.  I want to take a little time this afternoon to tell you some more about me. Do not judge, it's life, and I am not looking for sympathy or trying to bash others. I just feel that people need to know. 

My dad wanted a boy and I knew that from the moment I could understand. My mom on the other hand was the most amazing person ever, making sure that despite the way my dad made me feel my entire life, worthless, that I never did with her. He eventually got bored with parenting and left, leaving me, my mom and my brother destitute. 

I'm gonna stop the life story there because I don't want to write it. It was a Lifetime movie, literally, maybe that's why I hate them, and if you ever really want to know I will tell you, but that's all I want to say now. But I had my mom, my amazing amazing mom and my brother and that was all I needed. 

I met Jack in college and the people I met there changed my life. College changed my life. Randolph-Macon changed my life. It wasn't the fun college experience though, I had to work many more hours than my peers and I tried to have the experience and I did, but I missed some things. I missed some things but I still met amazing people and I got Jack. That was the best thing, I got Jack. 

So we got married. I never lived on my own, never did that single thing, but that's ok. I don't regret it. I got what many people long for, look for and never find. We had kids very soon after we got married and that was good too, except for the post partum depression. I have had depression my entire life and have been able to control it with exercise, etc. but this I just couldn't bear. I lost myself in sadness and lost everything, everything I had worked so hard for. See, I don't want to be that person that announces "Oh boo hoo, my life was so hard, look at me overcoming it" I don't, I just want to explain, probably more for self-cathartic reasons than anything. Many of you know the the story from this point, the REAL reason I drove to Chicago, the real reason I even give two shits that the man exists. Others can fight and feud like children over who he gives attention to but my reality is that I just want him to understand that for some strange fucked up reason THAT brought me from the brink and I owe him forever. 

2012 was my year. Sure, it all started in late 2010, but in 2012 I got myself back, the person I had worked so hard on in school and had lost in the blink of an eye. It was such an amazing and fantastic year that I cried most of New Year's Eve for fear that it was ending, fear of what 2013 would bring, as my fever spiked again to 104 degrees. And I'm not gonna lie, 2013 has SUCKED so far: We had some good news fall through, some issues at work that no one can fix, problems in our community (not with us, but it is tearing my community apart) and other random instances of back luck, so much so that I felt myself slipping away, back to that place of despair I had fled. 

But this week it hit me. Life's not easy, I mean I knew that, but it's really not. It's hard as hell, shit's gonna fall into your lap, people are going to be nasty to you just to make themselves feel better, things that seem so perfect can fall apart in an instant. 2012 might have been the year that I got Bri back, that wild, hardworking go getter that wants to save the world but 2013 is about what I DO with her. It's one thing to reclaim yourself, but it is quite another to set them out into the world. Sure, January has kinda sucked, with challenges I could have never expected, but what's going to prove my mettle is whether or not I can rise to the challenge. 

I can. I've got this. Life, experience, dreaming, being a part of the world and not a complacent observer has prepared me. 

I've got this. 

And if you need me my friend, I've got you. 

Bring it on 2013. In the past I might have crumbled, but 2012 prepared me for you. It prepared me for what is REALLY important in life. 

On that note, I need to get back to that. You know, life and all. 

Thanks for listening. 

Monday, January 21, 2013

How to Be Yourself


How to Be Yourself
Subtitle: Never be surprised when wisdom comes not from some sage person who wrote a bestseller but comes from your piercer. 

Don’t judge a book by it’s cover. 


Step 1: Know who you are. Like REALLY know and not just go with what’s trendy. Going back to a conversation I had with a good friend a while ago, just know who you are and what makes you tick. Case in point: Nerd is now cool. This bothers me to NO end! I have been an incredible dork my entire life: I can recite (Yeah like word for word it’s creepy) all three original Star Wars films and translate the languages, my first tattoo was from the Neverending Story when I was 18, I get and always have gotten excited over Algebra, I did theatre in school, etc. 

I was a DORK. A NERD. A GEEK. And it was NOT cool. 

Granted, I had the punky pink haired weirdness that made me some cute oddity in high school and college so I had a great high school and college experience but that’s moot. 

It is NOT cool to magically be into RPG’s because it’s trendy. 
It is NOT cool that you’re buying Voltron underpants at Hot Topic when you picked on my collection I had when I was 8. 
It is NOT cool to start wearing shirts about how hard a geek’s life is when you have been one for about five hot minutes. 

And it’s OK to NOT be the latest trend. Just know who YOU are and go with it! 

Step 2: Accept who you are. Now, this is the hardest thing I think for anyone, but once you know who you are, just roll with it. There’s nothing wrong with you!! Don’t like the latest TV trend? You’re probably saving money on cable. Don’t like the new hit song? You’re probably not having to suffer those horrible morning DJs (Does anyone listen to that crap?? I mean it’s god awful and they do the same damn pranks every week. Originality anyone?). Don’t like the latest bestseller? You’re probably not wasting any money on weird bondage crap your husband will never use. And all of that is OK. 

Step 3: Say what you say. Now, there is a difference between correction communication Last week's blog :) and worrying about offending anyone. Always try to be kind but to be honest you are always gonna offend someone sometime (PENIS!) and you can’t drive yourself insane trying to decide whether or not comment A is gonna offend friend B even though it really isn’t offensive because it’s a joke but everything (POOP!) offends them and you’re worried that they’ll jam up the copier in front of you because they do that (WEED!) to people who offend them or start rumors about you. 

WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?!?

There is a difference between being considerate and being a doormat. 
Don’t be a doormat. 
Just don’t be an asshat either. 
Penis (Daniel’s :p ) 
Did I offend you??

Step 4: Do what you do. Ok, first, see Step 3 above. Those rules pretty much apply but in your actions you’ve got to follow through and be yourself. Don’t just talk the talk, but walk the walk. Take my insanity for example.  I like body art, a lot. A whole lot. Like I was HEARTBROKEN that Michael Shanks doesn’t have a tattoo because to me that would only make him that much hotter. (Athena, could you imagine that body with INK!!! MELT!! - Focus Bri focus, BLOG). So, I stopped worrying about what others thought (except for my job - I made sure it was cool with them - I need to eat ya know) and just did it. 15 piercings and 7 tattoos later, I’m still not done. (Granted I had 6 of those piercings and 3 of those tattoos before I got myself back...)

Don’t like it?
I don’t really care. 
Hot Roommate likes them and he’s about all who I’m trying to please. 

Step 5: Take chances. Put yourself out there. Honestly, you never know what will happen. I told my current employer a few years ago that I wanted a job that didn’t exist. Guess what? It does now. I wanted to finish my favorite TV series in a way that wasn’t some stupid shut up the fans canned makes no sense at all romance. So I wrote it. People seem to really like it too. My son’s class needed a room mother and my daughter’s scout troop needed a leader. I said I would do it, knowing full well that I’m NOT the typical mom and freak some other moms out with my body art. Guess what? Both are going well. 

Just do it. 
Oops, did I steal a Nike slogan? 
My bad, considering free advertising. You make good shoes. 

Step 6: Have faith in yourself. I’m not gonna shit ya, it’s hard to be yourself. People want everyone to be the same, be what they want them to be and when they aren’t they will do their best to make you want to crawl into a hole and die. Now, there is a sick part of me that wants to tell you to purchase some pig’s blood and go all Carrie on them (google this if you do not know the reference, it makes me seem less insane) but then again that might be my current obsession with horror films. Just smile, sit back and realize that they are just too damn scared to be themselves and jealous that you aren’t. 

This is where my piercer comes in. When I went to get my lip ring switched out my kids got to meet my piercer Jason. My son has a red mohawk and a skull and crossbones earring. My daughter has a short TinkerBell pixie hair cut with pink hair. When I introduced them to him the first thing he did was get down into the floor and look them both in the eyes and said this: 

“You guys are great. You keep being yourselves, no matter what that is. Be true to yourself and you’ll never go wrong. Give me a high five.” 

Not a lot makes me tear up. 
THAT did. 

Step 7: Don’t judge others for doing what you are doing. You don’t like Nascar (I’m using this as an example because I cannot for the life of me get the idea of cars driving around in circles to be entertaining, but to each his own) then fine, don’t hate on someone because they do. No nasty remarks, no “sarcastic” or “snarky” comments, just accept it if you want to be their friend. Playful teasing, fine, I do that often with some really good buddies of mine, but it ends there. I don’t begrudge my friends for their insanity any more than they begrudge me for mine. Gotta give to receive. 

Step 8: Erase negativity. And I don’t just mean social media, although we do need to take a break there. Look, I don’t have time for that complicated process that is unfriending and I barely have time to unfollow. So here’s the deal. If your entire FaceBook or Twitter or Tumblr or WHATEVER is just “Woe is me, my life sucks, my ex sucks, my baby daddy owe me some diapers, bitch, piss, moan, how in the hell did you make it to adulthood anyway....” UNFRIEND ME. You are toxic, like waste, and I need you gone. Make sure, however, to extend this to your Real Life as well. If there is a friend that EVERY time you hang out they make you feel like crap or like you want to initiate the zombie apocalypse, then STOP talking to them. Just stop. More toxic waste. And trust me, I watch enough horror movies to know that toxic waste is NOT a good thing. 

Step 9: Be there for others. You’re not an island (this is different from wanting to LIVE on one - I want an island for me, Daniel and Belgian chocolate but I digress). We need other people, people to bitch to AND people to bitch to you. Yea, that means you gotta listen and give advice and shit. Or at least listen. For the advice I’ve got like 80 or so damn entries here, so just forward my blog address.

Step 10: Wine. Note that I just said wine. Yeah, so of course I could recommend a dry Spanish red or perhaps a crisp Australian Riesling (I know, not German but them Aussies can WORK a grape!) but this blog is about being yourself. Drink whatever you like, even Gas Station wine (Moscato) if that’s your fancy. 

Just let me know when you pop open that bottle. 
I’ll join you. 

Thursday, January 17, 2013

How to Communicate

How to Communicate
Subtitle: People have forgotten HOW to do simpler things. Again. Like in 2013 I need to go back to the basics. We're gonna start here. 


Step 1: Thinking before acting. This was my Tae Kwon Do studio's motto.  Basically it means that you need to think things through before opening your mouth, typing that text/tweet/FaceBook status or doing something. Here is how it should work: 

IDEA  -------> Is this a good idea? Does it make sense? Could it be misunderstood? Could it hurt someone? 

If yes to the first two and no to the rest then by all means, proceed.

If no to the first two and yes to the next two then STOP YOUR STUPID ASS AND HAVE SOME WINE. (See Step 10) 

Step 2: Did I mention NOT to be an asshat? 

Step 3: Speak properly when you do. I don't mean having flawless grammar, we all make mistakes and you're an asshole like discussed in #1 if you jump RIGHT on someone's status, tweet, text, verbal instructions etc, to point out something silly and common. This, however, is different than speaking professionally. Remember me teaching online? Here is a conversation that I had the other day with another professional that is in charge of helping the students in the building with the computers and tech. 

Other teacher: So, the listening section is only working on one computer. 
Me: Ok (asks a few questions to trouble shoot - easily discovers problem). You will need to update Java on the other computers. 
Other teacher: WHAT!?!? I did that already, in like (yes she said LIKE!!) in August. 
Me: Yeah, but they offer updates throughout the year. I had to do my own yesterday. 
Other teacher: That is SOOO stupid. I'm just gonna play it really loud. 

See the above conversation. That's a no-no. Be professional. 
And never use THESE words: OLD INFORMATIVE BLOG

No wine here, we need you coherent. 

Step 4: Don't be an asshat. No one likes an asshat and if you're an asshat no one is listening to you and then no communication is occurring. 

Step 5: Research what you are talking about or at least have a clue. I'm not asking that you become an expert, but have some basis for your blather. Case in point: Politics. My favorite thing is to hear people blame their problems on legislation that often has little to do with their lives. Now, I'm not taking a side in this, in fact I personally think our entire Congress should be fired and someone should make a sistah the president. But don't go blaming EVERY problem in Healthcare on ObamaCare because Fox News tells you and remember that crazy people in countries without guns just use dirty bombs and we don't hear about it because THEY don't have a twenty-four hour news cycle. Use FACTS and not emotions if you choose to discuss these things. 

Getting riled up? Skip to step 10 :) OR just think about Daniel. 
But he kinda gets me riled up.
Ya might wanna scratch that...

Step 6: Hey asshat! Did you just say what? If so, don't open your mouth. 

Step 7: Speaking of Daniel (remember, step 5, before my asshat reminder) be diplomatic.  Like I kinda hinted in Step 1, don't just think before you open your trap but think while that trap is going. Be diplomatic. You don't have to agree with someone but you do have to respect them and their differences. Listen to their side, consider their feelings and thoughts and then offer your own. Take turns and ask questions. Yes, this was a serious step because negotiating is serious business. 

Imagine your negotiator. Naked. 
See, Daniel Jackson naked works EVERYTIME.
Dammit, I'm all riled up again. 
Better skip to 10. 

Step 8: Seriously, I have dedicated EVERY even numbered step to get you to clue in. If you're an asshat, have ever been told you are an asshat, wonder if you're an asshat, your best method of communication is to be quiet until you master the odd numbered steps. 

Great. 
Thanks. 

Step 9: Anything I can do you can't do better. Look, life is not a competition. Life is about fun and treating each other with respect. Stop making the entire basis of every conversation trying to one up me and everyone else. No one wants to talk to someone like that. It doesn't make you relatable, it makes my happy news less significant, in fact in one asshatted moment you just stomped my good news or funny comment or happy thought into the dirt. That makes you an asshat. 

Stop talking. 

Step 10: When all else fails, drink. Alcohol is truth serum, no matter what anyone says, and in my humble opinion, one can always have great conversation with a glass of wine. Or shine. Or microbrew. 

Just don't be an asshat. 
Or just serve them Aristocrat. 
And make them crash on the floor. 


Monday, January 14, 2013

How to be a Soccer Mom


How to be a Soccer Mom (or a Basketball Mom, Theatre Mom, Yoga Mom - WTF aren’t you guys in)
Subtitle: Modern parenting 101
SubSubTitle: The basketball game starts at WHAT time!?!? 

Step 1: Coffee. Let me preface this by saying that if you are a new reader to my blog, welcome, and once you have children you no longer own your life. People without kids will get all offended and wonder why you don’t talk to anyone anymore because they do not realize that you are driving to yoga, basketball, ecology club, girl scouts, school festivals at 7 in the DAMN MORNING....

AHHH!!!
Coffee. Sumantra. One Cream. Two Sugars. 
:P 
Let’s see who gets that. 

Step 2: Family calendar on the fridge. Yep, like the mini-van, this was something I swore that I was too cool to do (and yes I own a Dodge Grand Caravan and it’s NOT a van called the Porn Star), but here I am, all calendared. Use dry erase too, because you will have to change it about once week once husband has to work later, the basketball coach changes practice, your daughter has a fever on yoga night but wants to go to the make-up class. Just DO NOT let your eight year old have the marker, or at least my eight year old. He added colorful commentary. Here are some examples:

For 8/19/12 he wrote: Mom is gonna hug Mr. Canadian Hot Pants
For 8/20/12 he wrote: Mom is gonna leave Dad for Michael Shanks
For 9/28/12 he wrote: Mom is old. Laugh at her. 
For 12/24/12 he wrote: SANTA. Boo Yah

Ok, so maybe I put the marker down low because he amuses me. 

Step 3: The transportation. Which brings us to the van. Yes, you’re gonna have to get one or something damn close. You will fight. You will get an SUV that only fits one kid and barely the stroller. Then the sports equipment is next because you will have more bags of equipment than children and it does NOT fit in a cute little Prius. Nor do their friends because you will end up with those boogers too. Never fear. Just PIMP it out. I had a van in college I called the Porn Star which doesn’t exactly work when you are a parent BUT you can do some other fun things with it. Me? I got THESE: 



But of course, right? 

Step 4: Include your mother. Now, women in my family are kind of outspoken anyway, but I find that age just makes it worse. Way worse. My mom was cool as shit anyway, but now that she has NO filter. None. Take her to basketball games, practices and other venture that involve spectators. Here is a sample of her dialog, well, monologue rather. 

“Come on ref! Really? That is CLEARLY a GREEN ball!!” 
“He can’t make any kind of damn calls because he’s too fat to get in between the kids.” 
“Pass the ball! Coach tell them to pass the ball!!” 
“I need to coach this team.”

Have I mentioned how much I love this woman? 


Step 5: Know where the cops hide. Now, without fail you will have to go from the basketball game to theatre day and somehow pick up lunches and snacks in between and stop by the house and the two places are about 45 minutes away from each other.  I have come to the conclusion that cops in my area are not after REAL criminals but instead are after moms who are driving kids to activities. Why? We don’t carry guns. We don’t argue. We sit there, cry, take the ticket and then just pay it rather than go to court (which requires taking off work or a babysitter and makes us have to sit in a small room with scary people). So, know in advance where they hide so you slow down in time and floor it once you are past. 


Step 6: McDonald’s. Don’t judge me. They have milk and apples. Look, my life is so insane that I can’t do that cook all day Sunday mess to pre-pack food for the week. I sleep on Sunday, get up and write fan fiction or blog, or watch TV, or goof off with my friends and family. The Golden Arches is open at 5 a.m. and stays open till nearly midnight. Ergo, you can feed your spawn any time of the day. Just shake up your fast food choice. When you start going to the McDonald’s and they KNOW your six year old wants a mocha decaf McCafe, you might have a problem. 


Step 7: Remember that you're married. If you are lucky some of these activities are drop off, like theatre day, because they want you to be surprised when you come for the parent performance. Try to remember that you’re married because you are going to have to be with this person after the kid’s activities are gone. Go to lunch. Talk. Try to remember what life was like before the kids. Just remember to pick up the kids...

Step 8:  Learn the lingo.  Kids are much smarter than just falling for the “yeah” and “uh huh.” They see right through it.  So, I am, by no means, the expert on this but here are the things I have learned so far in their activities. Please feel free to add more in the comments section. 

Lay-up - Basketball shot from the side of the basket. Cool shot the kids want to make. 
Traveling - Moving the ball without dribbling. A no-no
Improv - Improvisational theatre, when the kids act on the spot in various scenarios. Hilarious. 
Downward Facing Dog - Yoga move and involves the kid being bent over in an A type position. Nothing to do with dogs, so your dearie isn’t gonna want a dog. 


Step 9:  Be prepared. This is more than just a nice Girl Scout motto. This kinda goes with owning the damn van because you need space for all this stuff. You will need a first aide kit with bandaids, Neosporin, Advil, Tylenol, gauze, alcohol swabs, q-tips, medical tape, cast materials, thermometers for every orifice of the body and in Fahrenheit, Celsius and kelvin. You will need general emergency supplies, tissues, toilet paper, plastic bags, extra coats, sweatshirts, sox, underwear, yoga mats, water bottles, a partridge and a pear tree. 

See why you need the damn van? 

Step 10:  Go to a home show.  See, it looks like a perfect soccer mom, family bonding experience and your mom will go and get excited over garden statues and whatnot, but guess what else is there. WINE. LOTS AND LOTS OF WINE. It’s not Spanish, but it’s Virginia wine and that is the BEST in the USA. It’s only $1 per tasting and you’ve got a wallet full of ones. 

Wait, that sounded bad. 
Or did it?
Daniel, hun, ya got a g-string? 

Yeah I went there. 


Thursday, January 10, 2013

How to Sell Girl Scout Cookies


How to Sell Girl Scout Cookies
Subtitle: I hand you a box you hand me money. We REALLY needed a two hour training for this?!!? 

Remember, humor, not offense. Humor. Don’t make me get my dictionary...



Step 1: Eat before you go. You will THINK that there is no way that this can take two hours, but oh trust me, it will, and it will take longer because people will ask stupid questions. Stop by a fast food place or something on the way. Just not Arby’s because they want $10 for a combo meal. 

$10 US - for ONE Sandwich, ONE side and ONE small drink. 

I actually laughed at the girl. 

See, I can be offensive anywhere. 

Step 2: Sign in. It will be MASS chaos because apparently you’re the only leader there that knows your service unit’s name and number. About fifteen people will cut in front of you, whine, bitch, complain, piss and moan all the while the names and numbers are posted on BIG GREEN SIGNS over the tables. 

There needs to be an IQ test for living. 

You people drive? 

That explains a LOT. 

Step 3: Hide in the back. This isn’t because I’m a rebel, well I kinda am, I refused to do the stand up and cheer and pat one another on the back because I’m not fifteen and this is not a high school football game, but because they’re going to talk about the stupidest things on the planet for the next two plus hours. You will need your computer to write Stargate Fan Fic and this blog. Yep, the woman is literally explaining what a tab is on a website while I type this step. I will get there is a second. 

Step 4: Try not to roll your eyes at the opening pitch. Three very chipper ladies will skip to the front and talk about chipper things to a bunch of women who are tired because they’ve been at work all day. Then they will try to sell you cookie crap, like table cloths and cookie purses and other nonsense that just makes you want to start your own type of scouting because this is WAY too commercial. But just wait, because when the lead cookie trainer comes up she’s going to spend about 15 minutes talking about how Girl Scout Cookies is not about money.  I would like to take this opportunity to share the follow definition with you: 


Definition of HYPOCRITE
1
: a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion
2
: a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings

Step 5: Get your other entertainment ready. Next, after the 15 minutes pitch about this not being about money, followed by the I really want to get you out of here on time pitch there will be another pitch to explain to you the changes in the BOX DECOR. Show of hands, please? How many of you are really looking at the boxes?? How many of you actually HAVE the box around long enough to look at it because in my house we can blast through a case in about a week, no joke. I stopped listening until they moved on at this point and wrote three pages of fan fiction, all of which allowed me to escape to dark satin sheet covered places with Daniel Jackson. 

I'd like to feed YOU a cookie baby. 

Just sayin' 

Step 6: “The Girl Scouts are worse than the IRS.” See the quotes? That was a HONEST TO ATHENA quote from the training, word for word. So, after the lady put the boxes down she started talking about money so I listened in case anything had changed. Nope, just more “we will hit your credit report” threats and whatnot. Not that they shouldn’t make those threats, people be nasty, but still, I got this scary mental image...



Step 7: Learn about the system without a visual. Yep, we got trained for a computer system (which the LAST system the Girl Scouts did was a complete and TOTAL disaster so I can’t wait to log into this one) through a handout, with no visual, nothing. Ok, I know now everyone is a teacher, but still, if every Girl Scout patch is starting to trend more toward school work like activities and less like fun, then you have to know what differentiation is. Just in case, here is another definition: 


Differentiation
The adaptation of classroom learning to suit each student's individual needs, strengths, preferences, and pace by either splitting the class into small groups, giving individual learning activities, or otherwise modifying the material.


We’re learning all sorts of educational vocab here today, aren’t we?

Step 8: Tolerate stupid questions because even though it is 2013 there are people who still do not understand the concept of email but far worse are the “clarifiers.” Ok, here is my mantra in life. I play by the rules to an EXTENT but I also do things my way a lot because my way tends to be a lot easier and have far fewer steps. Like this blog, see, everything is a nice round ten steps, one of which is always reward yourself for tolerating the bullshit for the previous nine steps. Remember that computer or whatever you brought, once the hands go up just look down at your screen and get back to blogging or writing. Everyone else is playing with their phones anyway. 


Step 9: Don’t be a bitch. Tell them about Survey Monkey. There will be one stupid question from the one person who cannot organize what each girl bought, which, before computers could easily be done on a legal pad. Wave your hands as the nice lady running the training confused the poor other lady who asked the question that you understood because you are a teacher but the nice trainer lady did not and by the look on the questioners face is totally confusing her.  Explain to the group that surveymonkey.com is free and easy and does what she needs. Hear the room go oooh and aaah. Sit back and keep playing on your computer. 

My work here is done.  

Step 10: I have to drive home because I live in BFE. No wine for me and sadly one cannot get Spanish Ice cream, which trust me, was not that great. I vote Chick-fil-a if you have it! That shit’s good, it got me through two pregnancies, so I think it can get me through cookies. 

Dionysus willing. 

Oh and please buy :) http://ladiosabri.tumblr.com

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

How to Retool Your Bucket List

How to Retool Your Bucket List
Subtitle: Ok, so this is more like my new list and LESS of a how to, but you get the idea. 
Enjoy. 

1. Finish Surprise Package and begin to make sense of the notes I have for original works. If you have no idea what I am talking about it is a Stargate Fan Fiction where I am trying my hand as a writer. There are two ways to find it: 

Here on Blogger - roughers versions - more sap less action: http://danieldeservedahappyending.blogspot.com

And on FanFic.net - fewer stories - action versions: 

2. Get a PhD - I am thinking education instead of history. Yea, I WANT to be Daniel Jackson, but realistically speaking there is no Stargate and no real future in that here. I was meant to be a teacher, so I think that is where I am steering. 

3. Bungee Jump - Honestly, I am still a little undecided on this but I wanted 10. I'm not scared, but I am not terribly pumped about it either, so would appreciate comments. 

4. Purchase and drive a VW Beetle (classic not new) - This is WAY harder than I thought. I cannot find one anywhere! I'm not kidding, if you are in the states and are selling, I am LEGIT buying. 

5. Go on a Ghost Hunt - I found one near Gettysburg, PA but for the hype and cost Imma thinking that if I DO indeed see a Civil War General that he was probably purchased from the SyFy channel (after all, they don't need special effects anymore, all they show is wrestling). 

6. Go to a church service where they speak in tongues. (not to tease AT ALL just really fascinated). I have seen people moved by the spirit but just never in this way. I'm curious. Just call me Daniel. 

7. Complete El Camino de Santiago. I've got nothing funny. This means a lot to me. 
http://www.santiago-compostela.net

8. Attend Mardi Gras. How very Addy-like of me :P

9. Visit a rainforest (Preferably El Yunque) . I'm not picky, I have just heard nice things about Puerto Rico and as a Spanish teacher, well, I'm biased. 

10. Visit the new 7 Wonders of the World plus a few others:  (I'm leaving out the ones I have been to already) 
                  a. The Pyramids at Giza
                  b. Stonehenge  <----------------------- LONDON 2013 with the SHANKSTERS!
                  c. The Grand Canyon
                  d. Taj Mahal
                  e. Christ the Redeemer
                  f. Great Wall of China
                  g. Macchu Picchu
                  h. Petra
                  i. Easter Island
                  j. Athens as a whole
                  k. Eiffel Tower
               
Not too funny today, but that shall return! Still recovering from serious illness so I will try to most Thursday but if not, have a happy new year and I will be back ASAP!