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Tuesday, June 14, 2016

A letter to my Representative

Dr. Brat,

Brianne XXXXXXX here (RMC, class of '01) and I am writing to urge you to do something, anything, to stand out against the ease in which people can obtain and use military-grade weapons in this country. I include my graduating class as I respect you outside of this office and want you to know that I am fully aware of not only how hot-button an issue this is, but that I understand the facts of the matter as they stand.

1. I realize "owning guns" is part of the 2nd amendment. I majored in History. However, this amendment, as you know, specifically calls for a "well-regulated militia." The fact that my neighbors, who DRINK while SHOOTING "legal" semi-automatic weapons at all hours of the night is proof enough that we are not well-regulating any sort of militia. In fact, the level of regulation for something that constitutionally is supposed to be regulated is astounding compared to the lengths I have to go through to drive a car, register property, get married or divorced, all of which are activities that are not created to kill. Gun, however, are created for exactly that purpose. There is only a background check, no requirement to actually prove the ability to use such a weapon and no continuing education/renewal to continue such usage (as we are required to for an automobile). It just doesn't make any sense.

2. Isolated incidents of crime such as this are typically found to be tied to mental illness, despite the rallying cries of terrorism/gun control/etc. And yet, that being the case, your party does nothing in terms of promoting better mental health care. In fact, the Republican party, the party that is supposed to represent the Christian faith, casts aside "lepers" in such a fashion that is not only disappointing, but contrary to the faith they claim to support.

3. Finally, the United States touts itself as the great "Melting Pot," the "Land of Opportunity" and a place of equality. However, rarely do I see our representatives on popular media platforms reminding people of this very fact. You don't have to like what an individual does in their personal life, but as long as it is not a violation of the law, they have a right to do it. Instead, you are letting your party be represented by reality television trash, someone who I was forced to endure my parents and my ex-husband watch on television, who called women derogatory names, uses constant hateful and racial slurs, and brags about cheating the system. This is the person who commented on this tragedy, and of course, did so in a crass uneducated manner. Where are MY representatives? If mainstream media cuts these things out, then you know what? Stop buying $400 ink pens and get a Congress cable channel and report to us yourselves. Not CSPANN, but an actual outlet where you can do what the founders intended representatives to do: report to the people. Not hide in their offices.

In understand the difficulty in what you do. I myself have been approached to run for local office here in Hanover, and have politely refused, as it is a responsibility I do not wish to bear. However, those who do must do so for the greater good and not for their own personal glory. That's why become educators after all, right? You weren't going to become wealthy and famous teaching at R-MC, no more than I will when I begin my own professor post once my doctorate is complete. Representing the people of your country should be no different.

Thank you for your time. I hope to see you around campus soon.

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

A rambling on the state of things

Let’s be honest for a moment…

America was founded by those seeking “fortune and glory,”
It was populated by those wanting to be who they were, without persecution,
It was won by those who saw the opportunity to be great, even if it took change and sacrifice,
It was strengthened by creators, thinkers, challengers, those who took up the mantle to question,
And then it stopped.
Because despite those seeking fortune and glory nearly ruining it all, TWICE, in ONE century, WE, the creators, thinkers, challengers, those wanting to be who we are have stopped.
We’ve stopped creating.
Instead we copy what has been done before, calling it upcycling, rebranding, as if it is actually an original idea...
We’ve stopped thinking.
Instead we allow others to think for us, citing religion, citing articles on social media, citing news outlets, citing friends…
We’ve stopped challenging.
Instead we worry about who we might anger, because that’s uncomfortable and any argument any confrontation is unhealthy and toxic and that needs to end. Drug it, stop it, NO bad feelings here, let’s all live in a happy haze of never worrying about anything not being hunky dory all the time…
We’ve stopped taking up the mantle.
Instead we pick easy causes and let ourselves get distracted by things that are non-issues and by celebrity gossip while the real problems just keep mounting…
And we’ve stopped being who we are because we’re so worried about who someone else WANTS us to be…

And then it’s over, or it’s over for someone else, and we make a meme or write a eulogy and talk about missed opportunities and reflections and changes that will never be taken again only to go back and not take them ourselves.

Because we won’t create, think, challenge, or do ANYTHING.

And we let those who destroyed the first people to take their riches, and those who are destroying us to take ours just keep destroying.

But it’s ok.

The Voice is on.

And click the red “x”.

Friday, February 19, 2016

A venting...

Why did I find you now?
When I'm already broken, a shell, a small lonely girl hiding inside of a person she doesn't even recognize anymore.
Where were you when I was the only one like me
When I thought there was something wrong with me because I hated what they liked
And I didn't look like them
think like them
feel like them
want what they did
When no matter what I did it wasn't good enough unless it was useful
And then I was great
Then I was spectacular
And I'd forget about you for a while
Those times when I'd stay and I'd think that it was alright to be just the littlest bit different
Those times when I thought that I could help someone else who was just as alone
I'm alone
So alone
Where are you?
And now I can't leave.
And so the cycle repeats.

Why did I find you now?
When every night brings a new nightmare
One in which all I have left just falls apart
Because the only thing I have ever been able to rely on doesn't have much in her
That cold face you see me get,
the one with no emotion
That's what remains,
that zombie,
that's me,
there is so little left but hurt
There are days when I actually don't feel anything at all and fake it
Those days I hold you tighter
Those days you notice
And you worry, I see that worry, I see it in the boy and the girl, and I feel so helpless
Because you showed up when there was really nothing left to show up for
A shell...
That breathes
That eats
Why now fate?
I curse whatever kept you from me
I needed you before I became this

Why did I find you now?
When I don't love me anymore
I used to.
I used to think I could do amazing things.
That I was beautiful.
That I was special.
That I deserved people that cared about me, that would love and support me.
Now I think I was a mistake.
I'm not sure how I got here, why I was put here, who screwed up and put me here but what I thought was right is not, what I thought was just is not, and what I thought was special just isn't.
I cried so many nights hoping you were real, that someone like you existed and now that I know you do?

You can't be real.

I'm going to wake up, or not, this is a nightmare, not a dream, but a nightmare, and I did it, I ended it and in my final moments I have dreamed you up and you, the one I hoped for, are my last thought.

Why did I find you now?
I have nothing to offer.
I shouldn't have torn up that essay, but I did.
I shouldn't have sent in that application, but I did.
I shouldn't have said "No thank you," but I did.
I shouldn't have gotten on that plane, but I did.
I shouldn't have signed on that line, but I did.
I shouldn't have given in to expectations...
And now, what you have is what you see; someone trying to fill in the holes left by the shouldn'ts and the regrets.

I'm sorry.
That's what the "I'm sorrys" are for, fifty a day, a night.
I'm sorry that the person I was, who was supposed to be for you, that kind, beautiful, intelligent woman is gone and this is all that is left. I'm sorry I couldn't hold on to her.

I tried.

Why did I find you now?

If I didn't believe before, this? This just proves to me that nothing here or elsewhere cares about me at all, other than you.