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Monday, September 3, 2012

How to Have the Best Month Ever

How to Have the Best Month Ever

Subtitle: Betta live it up now because we are in our last days. 
Days until Mayan End of the World: 112
Glad I got to hug Shanks. 

Step 1: Ring in the month with a New Jersey wedding. Ok, so technically my awesome brother in law Will got married to THE BEST WOMAN HE COULD EVER GET (bless you Christina, just bless you) the last days of July, but this wedding was SO epic that it just has to be lumped in the awesomeness that has been August 2012.  Why, you may ask? Because in New Jersey, the wedding reception is not just some froo froo dinner with toasts. No, my friends, it is a PARTY. Take the best high school prom movie ever, minus the dumb angsty drama, add the finest food spread in existence with an endless bar, and a blackout and you’ve got yourself a party. And no, we didn’t cause the blackout, a storm did, but that didn’t stop the party, they just got a generator and we kept dancing.  Boo yah.

Step 2: Head back to work.  Yeah, I know that sounds pretty sucky, but my job rules.  Not only do I teach, which is the job Athena meant for me to have, in my yoga pants no less, but we have the best teacher week ever.  Because, not only is a not a week, but our meetings actually accomplish something, we get to stay at a nice hotel and they feed us.  Good food. Really good food. And we team up like college kids, roommates and all, smuggle in wine with a rooster on it and talk till one a.m.  Yeah, beat that face to face teachers. 

Step 3: Get the kids ready for school because Athena they have NEVER been. What in the world are you doing Bri?? Didn’t you write the blog on homeschooling?? Yeah, they asked, I gave in, more on that later.  Head to good old Wally World, pick up your 1000 page supply list, grab a cart and tote your little darlings all around the store, arguing with them that the supply list clears states a binder with a clear pocket on the front and not Iron Man.  Take supplies home only to find you also need a backpack, lunch boxes, new shoes, new clothes, sweet Dionysus isn’t homeschooling cheaper!?! No, no I said you could go, I’m not pulling you out. Don’t cry. Please. Stop. Here, eat a hostess cake. You might as well get used to them, they’re going in that damn lunch box. 

Step 4: Face your fears. Go to your local theme park and ride everything that ever frightened you.  Even if it’s the 305 feet straight vertical drop giga-coaster that people black out on and you’re pretty sure that’s not healthy for you.  Even if it’s the 72 ft free fall where a few weeks ago a girl got her legs cut off riding the same thing in Ohio.  Even if it’s the swings that are 325 ft. above the ground, playing the Harry Potter music, which your friend Andrea says is a good sign, but you can’t help but sit and think that you don’t have a broom with you if shit goes down.  Ride them all.  Scream and shout when you live.  And take pictures. 

Step 5: Hit the beach. I mean really, whose summer is complete without a trip to the beach? There are certain behaviors that we need to recall when heading to said beach (see last week’s entry here) but what you really need to do is just relax.  Ignore the crazy people and their weird kid (just don’t let yours play with it). Swim out into the water and discuss True Blood story lines with complete strangers. Go to a cheesy themed restaurant near the beach for a burger and scare the crap out of the waiter when you order the hottest thing on the menu and he really wants to get the manager like you are going go up in flames (which by the way dude, that was NOT hot). Live it up and enjoy, because remember that work thing. Kinda gonna cramp the beach real soon. 

Step 6: Decorate your body. The world’s ending right? Let’s get that ear just fully loaded.  Go to your local shop and just ask the piercer what he wants to do and let him just start poking away. He’s so sweet, gives you a hug because you are in there so much, and proposes a rook and anti-tragus combo and for you to come back in a few weeks for a triple inner daith.  Do it.  Why the hell not? A) the piercings are only $20 and B) they are holes, they grow back if you don’t like them. It’s not tattooing....well, it would be tattooing, but Hot Roommate gave me a budget for this insanity and I spent most of the budget on Michael Shanks. Damn you Mr. Canadian Hot Pants!!! 

Step 7: Meet your idol. Drive 14 hours, well make Hot Roommate drive 12 of the 14 hours, and waltz right up to him, tell him why you’re here, hug him so tight, kiss his cheek and give him a letter, pouring your heart out. He’ll say he’ll read it and he will.  You think you want an answer, you want to know if it meant something to him, but you’re a good judge of character. You looked into his eyes. He didn’t lie to you. He read it.  He got it. He just can’t say because of his position, but you know he did.  Thanks for reading it. You mean the world to me and I’m just glad that you know.  And I’ll never forget it either. 

Step 8: Welcome a new family member. Sit anxiously by your phone waiting for the call, the call that will tell you when your niece is coming. And change like twelve times, which is all good, because you are so excited you can barely concentrate anyway.  Head to the hospital be shuffled around room to room, yelled at by nurses for whispering when the other nurses are having a party feet away and wait in the waiting room forever until FINALLY you get to meet her, that perfect little angel that is entering your world and stare at her in disbelief, unknowing as to how that asshat that harassed you as a child actually produced something that perfect and beautiful. Whoda thought? 

Step 9: What me, another wedding? Yep, another one, but you might as well be in this on sister. As the Matron of honor no less.  Run around like a fool the day before, take your kids to “Meet the Teacher” in a cocktail dress, rush to the rehearsal, cut up with the wedding party, walk in with the groom's cute friend and head over to dinner, laughing and living it up. Give a toast, but slip into Spanish, and play it cool and look like you meant to.  Meet fellow Sci-Fi geeks, vow to go to DragonCon with them and then hit Walmart in said cocktail dress to buy more supplies.  Coffee, rinse, repeat. Be at the church at 9 a.m. Serve mimosas. All day.  Sit confused at Catholic mass wedding since you have no idea what to do but at least you can watch the bride’s mother to see when she will cry, which she won’t, and will result in you having to shoot whiskey with no chaser. Find out you will be entering reception to your FanFic song for Daniel and Adrienne, be insanely happy, request the song again and literally pull the young people that are not dancing onto the floor. It will be great and the bride is so happy, and it’s just all worth it.  Just be safe getting home.

Step 10: It’s September first and you really should be planning your Labor day party that is just a few short days away, but there is always tomorrow. Right now, the air is getting cooler, the days are getting shorter and Halloween is right around the corner. And we LOVE that. (And you KNOW that’s gonna be a how too....) So sit back, relax for a few hours and open some Spanish wine. You’ve got to start thinking about costumes...

1 comment:

  1. Aw, bless, lovely post and MrCanadianHotPants is definitely trying not to burst out laughing in THAT picture :)