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Thursday, September 13, 2012

How to Have a Bad Day

How to Have a Bad Day
Subtitle: I mean we covered how to have a good day already, might as well be realistic. 
103 days left my friends ;P Starting buying your Zombie Apocalypse Ramen Noodles

Step 1: Alarm sounds. WTF is that?!?! Is it frakkin’ Christmas?? Reach over to nightstand. It’s your phone. It’s six in the damn morning.  What in the hell!!! Roll over. Daniel’s not there. It was a dream. CRAP... roll back over and shut of phone.  Before you COULD have logged into work and just flipped over to go back to sleep, but nooooo, YOU had to put your kids in school, which means they have to catch the bus. Hope the driver doesn’t mind you braless. 

Step 2: Stagger to kitchen. You can’t move, You can’t think. Your eyes are dry. Because you have been up to one in the morning, at LEAST, all week grading, to get up by six and repeat the day. Oh, and you’ve run three miles everyday to prep for that damn half marathon yet part of you thought it would be a good idea to stay up till an ungodly hour to watch Mr. Canadian Hot Pants on TV. Canadian TV. Through Google plus because NBC cancelled it.  And you had a blast, it was like Sookie Sundays without the vampires or Greek food.  Whatever, what was I saying?  Where’s my coffee.....

Step 3: Log into work. Check your email, there can’t be that many right, you went to bed at 1:20 a.m. and it is only 6:15. What could have possibly happened?? 21 emails happened.  No lie.  21.  The only people I know UP between 1 and 6 in the morning are fellow Saving Hope fans and them fools not be emailing me at like 2 a.m. Open top email. It’s from a student.  Email reads, nearly verbatim, “Our school doesn’t really use phones, so I am not sure how I will ever call you...” Close email.  Call school.  Bitches, Imma gonna show you how to use a phone. Like RIGHT now. 

Step 4: Get school secretary from step 3 above. Politely explain to her the situation, because surely this child MUST be mistaken. Surely. Right? Secretary says, nearly verbatim, “Well, I can give you her (administrator's) email, we really don’t use the phones around here....” Sip coffee quickly.  Choke. Say you have a cold.  Use a Spanish swear word in said cough.  Politely inform secretary that since student is now a WEEK behind obviously email communication is NOT the best method here.  Leave a message.  You WILL call me.  TODAY.  

Step 5: You are leaving the house today, yay! And going to a few casual meetings no less.  Head to closet to find something to wear, a post Labor Day outfit. Find the PERFECT sweater and jeans combo.  Slip on jeans, bra, underwear, not in that order of course, unless you like to take me literally in which case please video this attempt.  Go to grab sweater from bed and realize that it’s gone. Like completely gone. WHOOSH. VANISHED. WTF?? No one else is here!! I’m in my OWN bedroom. Where’s the sweater? Look at clock, cuss, swear and throw on a race t-shirt.  Whatever, it’s casual.

Step 6: Rush to first school visit.  Remember, after last year’s 8 of the 10 students taking Spanish in this school failed, you are vowing to make it different this year since they have 12 students taking your course.  Make it to the school no problems, meet the secretary (a smart one yay!), the principal and the mentor.  Chat with some French and Earth Science students. Tour the building, learn how they school works (very cool alternative model). Students change classes (no bell). Your students don’t show.  Go to guidance counselor to have them pulled from class. Discover that they have dropped. ALL of them.  The school found a part time face to face teacher.  And you have just wasted TWO hours.  What. The. Hell.

Step 7: Retail therapy.  In this step we actually feel better.  Go to Carytown, buy Hot Roommate a Zombie Book that’s super funny. Tweet and text your friends funny things that remind you of them.  Stroll to hip coffee shop order their fancy food, ask to join some local college students, have a great religious discussion, exchange twitter handles and even have a hot college guy hit on you before you leave. You NEED this to happen. Because shit’s about to get REAL. 

Step 8: Chat on Skype with your friends until you realize that it’s almost four, time for your last meeting of the day.  Text your colleague the directions to the coffee shop as promised.  No response.  Tweet and edit fan fic. Still no response.  Phone will begin to bounce of table. It will be your colleague.  They FORGOT the meeting, the meeting you had to arrange your ENTIRE Friday around.  Sit and stare at computer dumbfound.  You need more retail therapy.  

Step 9: Go to candy store to shop for Hot Roommate since you totally lambasted his birthday.  Find bunches of candy and fun stuff. Make your purchase and rush to the car, which you have stupidly parked SIX blocks away and arrive at your car realizing that your keys are GONE. WHOOSH. VANISHED. Like that DAMN sweater.  Go to call candy shop since phone number is on bag and realize that iPhone is dead.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!?!? I’m stranded in downtown Richmond with no FRAKKIN’ phone or KEYS!! ARGH! Tromp around Carytown for a good 45 minutes until you find them.  On the bathroom floor. Of the yoga studio you stopped at because you saw your old fight squad trainer’s name on the outside sign and he was indeed in there SQUIRREL let’s refocus, I have the keys now and I THINK the chocolate is in one piece.  I think.  No promises.  

Step 10: Drive home, vowing to take Hot Roommate to birthday dinner, as promised, but more so so you can get Spanish wine and have him DD. You are gonna need it because it is going to take FOREVER to get home as you will get stuck behind a man driving a motorcycle in a CHICKEN helmet. For real. This shits too good to make up, hand to Athena.  Finally get home and get to restaurant. Open menu, scanning wine list first. It’s all Californian. EVERY FRAKKIN’ LAST WINE.  Shut menu.  Bring me a shot of tequila.  Straight.  Right FRAKKIN’ now.  Because I’ve lost my sweater. 

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