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Monday, October 15, 2012

How to Speak Brianne

How to Speak Brianne

Subtitle: Apparently I’m often misunderstood. So here’s your dictionary. 
There’s more than much for following a pattern, but I guess this is a necessary evil...

68 days, or as I would say, sesenta y ocho, really just one less day than a number I enjoy having fun with. Oh, what the hell, let's count today. 69!!! Interpret as you will...

Definition 1: Legit. Adverb. See, I have this problem with both adverbs that end in -ly and twitter, both of which have resulted in a problem I have with long words. I don’t use them, I just shorten them for my person convenience.  Ok, ok, I’ll make you a chart. 

Bri Definition
for real / truthfully
ridiculously, a large amount, really crazy
it’s extremely...are you getting it yet?? Twitter made me LAZY....

Definition 2: OMA & OMD. Exclamation. Ok, so I USED to say OMG (Oh My God) like EVERY other person on the planet.  However, then on day a lovely Christian soul (not that I have a problem with Christians, just hypocritical ones, well hypocritical ANYONE honestly) informed me that since I was NOT a Christian I could not use OMG. (Let’s forget completely about the third commandment TOTALLY here). So, as a pseudo-worshipper of the Greek Pantheon, I have decided to substitute to “God” for Athena and Dionysus, my patrons. It has NOTHING to do with Stargate (although I have nothing against Oma Desala). Also use OMZ, OMH & OMN as needed. 

Definition 3: Mr. Canadian Hot Pants. Proper Noun. This is my nickname I coined for the perfection that is Michael Shanks.  It went down like this. Hot Roommate got sick of hearing me talk about Shanks or Daniel and one day referred to him as “He who must not be named.” I calmly informed him that was Lord Voldemort, to which he replied, I don’t care who that is stop talking about how much you love him. So, I started with Mr. Canada, but that made him sound like he was running for some objectifying beauty pageant award. So one day while listening to my 1990’s Hip Hop I came upon an MC Hammer song in which he discussed Hot Pants. And how HAWT they were. And a nickname was born.  Abbrv. MCHP

Definition 4: Space Herpes. Noun. What Vala Mal Doran probably had and passed to Daniel Jackson in “Unending,” the episode that does not exist. Thank Athena for going back in time so Addy has no worries. He still deserves a thump in the head for even letting that happen so it had to be erased in the first place. And NO EXCUSES. She was NOT the last woman. Sam was there. And THAT would have been acceptable!!!

Definition 5: Y’all. Noun. Southern. Means you all. Used to address a large group of people. Used in a friendly context. IF you are not included in a y’all from me then I just don’t like you. Does not connote a lesser intelligence by its usage, in fact, most people I know that use it are quite intelligent 

Definition 6: Chica. Noun. Spanish. English translation girl. Related entries: homeslice, hun, mon ami, babe, et al. Term of endearment reserved for my girl friends. Basically, it works like this, if I call you chica then you are in my little circle of I give two shits that you exist. Don’t call you can come to your own conclusions. Unless you are a dude, and then, you are, well, dude. (See Definition 16)

Definition 7: No lie. Phrase (I think, I mean what in the hell part of speech IS THAT??) See legit. This means it was the truth, no exaggerations, no edits, no changes made for comedic purposes. Can also be used in place of “I agree.” Basically, if I say no lie I am either defending the insanity coming out of my mouth OR agreeing with yours. 

Definition 8: Frakkin’. Expletive (I KNOW that part of speech....VERY VERY well). F-word alternative stolen from BattleStar Galactica.  Just more fun to say. Origin: While I want to run away to a foreign planet with Daniel Jackson forever, I secretly want to be StarBuck. Because she could have WHUPPED Vala’s ass. Cold. In like twenty seconds. No Lie ;P 

Definition 9: Asshat. Noun. Used to describe a person that is not quite an asshole, which would be an amazing nasty, mean or otherwise disagreeable person, but I am still kinda pissed at so they deserved a swear.  Not a literal hat to be worn on the ass, but if you can find a picture of one send it to me because the sheer notion of the existence of said item excites me about as much as truck nuts. 

Definition 10: Cool Beans. Adjective or Adverb or Phrase, I mean, are you really reading this entry anymore for some kind of english lesson. Pretty much cool beans is just another version of cool, like I am agree that what you said is fine, dandy and ok.  This may or may not mean I am overly enthusiastic about it, but I am not opposed. I also use this to appear cheerful and teacher like. 

Definition 11: No biggie. Phrase, I think. Let’s go with that. Means no big deal, that it’s ok, what ever asshattery that you or I have committed, it is completely forgivable. Prefer to use biggie rather than no big deal as my person homage to the master of rap Biggie Smalls (East Coast!) and maybe, just maybe, every time I use the term, the Notorious B.I.G. sends down good rap vibes from rap heaven to an aspiring artist. That, and like everything else, Twitter has made me too lazy to type. 

Definition 12: Rock. Exclamation. It’s like Cool Beans plus. Sometimes supplemented with a fist pump, hands in the air celebration of followed by the word “on” Used to express extreme happiness concerning a situation. Has nothing to do with masses of stone and everything to do with the feeling you get when exposed to a type of music that white people stole from black people and added a country twist to. If my comment to anything you say is rock, then it is good, I am excited and would most likely drive 14 hours for it ;P 

Definition 13: KK. No clue at all as to what the heck this is. Short for OK.  Not to be confused with the KKK (They be asshats that need a frakkin’ butt-whupping that I am happy to hand out). Differs from K, also short for OK, since that K usually is an answer given in tweet/text that is nicely saying f-off I am done talking to you. KK means like okay with a smily or bitch I got the point, stop asking.  May be used with capital or lower case letters. 

Definition 14: Gracias. Spanish. Means thank you. If you did not know this you are probably reading the wrong blog. 

Definition 15: Sweet Dionysus. Exclamation. See also OMA (# 2). Dionysus was the greek god of the grape, grape harvest, wine making, ritual madness and ecstasy, or for those who prefer the common tongue: Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll. This expression is used when something so great happens that really, only wine can suffice. Spanish. Which to be honest, is often...

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