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Thursday, November 8, 2012

How to Host a Girl Scout Olympics

How to Host a Girl Scout Olympics

Subtitle: My cell phone alerts just texted me that we should bring in the plants this weekend. This chica not be camping. Thanks. 

43 days left. I probably should be reconsidering this camping because post zombies I am afraid that I’m going to be doing a LOT of camping...

Step 1: Find a location. Believe it or not there are lots of scout camps spread all across the area and provided you follow certain guidelines you can use just about any of them. Some have cabins, some are for tents, some have lakes, some have amphitheaters, some have pools, some have showers. There are too many choices!! What me? You're asking me? *Whispers to co-leader who is awesome and has been doing this for years* “Which one is the closest to Starbucks?” “Campground X” *Picks up head to confidently address service unit leader*  “I vote that one!” 

Step 2: Pick a date. Now this is the hardest part actually since all eight years olds have a social and athletic schedule to rival Michael Shanks’ work schedule (only took to step two to get to him today woo hoo) you will have to pull out your calendars for the next two years, lay them out on the tables at the meeting hall, cross reference them with softball schedules, school holidays, church socials, the opening of hunting season, color code it, number it, chant yoga mantras over it to pick a date. In November. What the hell. 

Step 3: It’s cold. I’m not kidding I can't run today without seriously considering shifting my fandom from Stargate/Daniel Jackson love to Pitbull simply as an excuse to run away to Miami and bag me a Cuban rapper. Because it is warm there. And Pitbull can dance. Stop Bri, stop fan girl cheating on Shanks. 

Step 4: Arrange games. Now, you COULD just play a few traditional games, duck duck goose, run a few track and field events like I did, have jump rope contests. You can also sing Girl Scouts songs from the more traditional one like “Taps” and “Make New Friends” to new ones like, and I'm not even kidding here, “Jig-a-low.” I’m gonna give you a moment to digest that. Yep, I had the same reaction, so much so that our service unit leader saw from jaw drop from fifty yards away. Shut up. I do not have a guttermind. At least not at scouts. 

Step 5: No, like I'm deadly serious, it is COLD. Go ahead, let the kiddos take a break because the sun is shining and I'm going to lay in it. Aww sunshine, totally making up for the fact that it is November and I have to be outside all day instead of warm and toasty at home writing fan fic or hanging out with people or antiquing and shopping with Fashionista - In - Training but the vitamin D is starting to make up for it...wait, where did the sun go?? Uf! What?! And now I am covered in girl scouts. Deep breaths Bri, deep breaths....

Step 6: Get to know your leaders. Seriously, I was WRONG about these people. Past experience has taught me that most of the moms I encounter are straight as an arrow, church going, baking, View watching housewives so I assumed scouts was the same.  Oh no. No, no, no, no, no. Because the conversation I walked into Saturday was the difference tongue rings can make when the man has them in a relationship versus the woman. FOR REAL! These bitches be MY kind of people! 

Step 7: I'm not kidding here. We are at about T-minus to flip out. I'm wearing my Brownie sweatshirt. And my Stargate coat (sans Daniel unfortunately - oh could he EVER warm me up). And my co-leader's coat. And she is making me soup. And hot coffee. Which I am drinking black. No one cream. No two sugars. (Yeah, yeah I say “I have no idea like Daniel, I drink coffee like Daniel and yes this entry is full of Daniel because I am FREEZING AND HE MAKES ME FEEL BETTER). I need to go home, because Daniel can't stay...

Step 8: SHIT!! My phone!!! Because nothing says field day like jumping up and down to keep yourself warm for your iPhone to coming flying out of your pants, dammit I KNEW I should have bought the next smaller size when I lost those last ten pounds, coast through the air in slow motion to land crashing on the concrete floor in the picnic area. OOOOH FUUUUUDGE (gotta get in X-mas references now, world ending before it an all). 

Step 9: Remember that warning I gave you guys about camping. It’s about to happen, right now. My phone is cracked. No, shattered, my phone is shattered. I can’t feel my toes. My nose is a different color. I'm starting to see the children as small trolls that need to be exterminated....wait....march?? To the flag!?!?! I’m moving. 

Step 10: Yeah, no, I’m NOT camping, do you SEE me right now. Let’s go get dinner. I’m thinking Mexican. They have good beer. Because my phone is useless, I have lost feeling in my left leg and right now I cannot stop laughing about the Gigalo song. Oh, and there’s a saw in my scout bag. Legit. Bring on the booze. 

Ok, ok, so it was a lot of fun and I got a patch. Yes, I am grown and got a patch. It’s the little things in life... 

1 comment:

  1. Oh Athena, thanks for making me smile and laugh.