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Thursday, June 14, 2012

How to Live Life to the Fullest

How to Live Life to the Fullest
Subtitle: You get one shot at this, one.  Don’t blow it. 
Step 1: Accept your mortality. You will die.  Maybe even on December 21st 2012, hence the reason for my bucket list. (In fact, there is a tiny part of me that is worried there will not be a 2013 because Dick Clark is not going to be there with us to ring it in..... not meant to be funny, I am really concerned about this... stop making fun of me...)  But, even if the Mayans are wrong, you’re still going to die some day whether it be in your sleep at age 95 or in a car next Tuesday.  This sounds morbid, but you need to accept this in order to move on.  You will die. Carry on.  
Step 2: Screw mortality. You’re gonna die, so what? Now, you can sit around and worry about when, where, how you are going to die, take those stupid Facebook quizzes that tell you these specifics, visit the doctor every time you damn cough to make sure you are not getting the cancer, but when it’s your time, it’s your time.  Chill the hell out! You need to wake up and realize that you might indeed die tomorrow and do you want a list of regrets! Hell no! So, if you want to get a tattoo, do it!!! You want to go bungee jumping? Do it!! You want to run away to Toronto to throw yourself at Michael Shanks? Dammit, my husband took the spark plugs out of my car!!! ARGH!!!
Step 3: Accept others. People come in all different shapes, sizes and colors and that doesn’t matter. At all!! I mean, how frikkin boring would it be to hang out with people just like you.  And furthermore, while I am on a rant, who do you think you are? Who died and left you morally superior than the rest of us? Here I am, accepting the fact that you are probably the asshat who drove in front of me doing like 10 miles under the speed limit and stopped at every road while I was trying to get home to pee.  And yet, I did not run you off the road and leave you for dead, I accepted that you cannot drive and should not be allowed to be in public and moved on with my life. (Well, that, and I need to save my bail money for if I get those spark plugs back.... kidding you guys, kidding...) 
Step 4: Screw others. Stop worrying about what the hell other people think of you! This is worse than man-needy (see post on 4/17/12), that is people needy.  Most people are so insecure about themselves that that LIVE to tear down others to make themselves feel better.  You need to stop worrying about what others are thinking about you and start worrying about what makes you happy.  Even if it is running insane amounts each week, writing Mary Sue fan fic so you can marry Daniel Jackson, blogging about your weird life, taking your kids on crazy adventures, or watching bad reality TV with your husband just to make fun of society together:  stop worrying about what they think!! Chances are, they’re just damn jealous of you for being happy anyway.  
Step 5: Accept the world we live in.  This is hard, especially for my fellow Sci-Fi geeks, who are always looking to the stars.  However, the reality my friends is this: Our government and the government of most of the countries on the planet is run by idiots who have no desire to advance our technology to let us leave this world and explore the universe.  So, unless the Vulcans are planning on making first contact any time soon, this is what we got.  
Step 6: Screw the world we live in. Yeah, screw it! Or at least fix it.  Don’t sit on your butt complaining all of the time about how bad it is and how everyone has screwed it up when you can flip the bird to the entire place and go and do what you want. Or better yet, let’s TAKE OVER.  Since you are reading my blog I am assuming you are intelligent since stupid people will not get my jokes.  Then YOU run for office, or take over the school system, or start a rally, or what have you!  Screw the ordinary! We spend so much time just letting people walk all over us or letting bad things happen.  We need to take the world into our own hands!!!! (Wait, did I just start a Revolution here? Screw It! Chant with me now! Screw It! Screw It! This is cool, can I be some influential yet useless figurehead if we win?? Please?? Can we invade Canada and steal Michael Shanks so I can have him while we are at it?? Thanks, this is why I love you guys) 
Step 7: Accept your fate. This is a toughie because some people are just born into a better situation than others. But, unless a phone booth with George Carlin plops down in your yard (please someone get that movie reference) you aint gonna change a damn thing.  I may act yuppy and educated, but deep down inside I’m a redneck, a big ‘ole Southern girl who slips into her drawl when she hears others and (ok Bri, acceptance is the first step to recovery, admit it...) knows the words to every Garth Brooks song. I can try to hide it with tattoos, fancy wine and a high class education, but I kinda think that driving a Jeep in the mud is cool and that moonshine is the nectar of Mt. Olympus.  
Step 8: Screw fate. Ok, so what? I’m a country girl, southern born and bred.  That’s not gonna stop me from doing amazing things and it shouldn’t stop you. We may be a product of our birthplace and upbringing but we are also internally driven and motivated to be something more.  Not sure what that is yet? Let me give you a push. Go bust your retina.  It’ll put you on bed rest and limited activity for months and send you over the edge.  When you get back, you may decide you need to be in shape again, have an obsession for a cancelled TV show, get the idea to write a novel and what have you, but it gives you direction.  Or maybe a shrink.  They probably costs less and that involves less bleeding. 
Step 9: Accept life. You’ve got one baby, just one.  Even if your religious system tells you that after this you’ll have eternal life or will be reborn, you are only here once as who you are right now. The sooner you accept that, the faster you can start having fun and going down your bucket list.  I am attaching my two, one for in case the Mayans were right and the other for life in general to this posting for your viewing pleasure.  Feel free to comment.  Because once you start living like this day might be your last, then you actually are living and not existing. 
Step 10: Drink Wine.  Lots of Wine.  I would normally say Spanish but hey, French is good. As is Italian. Hell, its all really good. Or moonshine. We can go with that now too, just in case tomorrow is it.  

At popular request, here is the bucket list via Pinterest:

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