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Monday, January 21, 2013

How to Be Yourself


How to Be Yourself
Subtitle: Never be surprised when wisdom comes not from some sage person who wrote a bestseller but comes from your piercer. 

Don’t judge a book by it’s cover. 


Step 1: Know who you are. Like REALLY know and not just go with what’s trendy. Going back to a conversation I had with a good friend a while ago, just know who you are and what makes you tick. Case in point: Nerd is now cool. This bothers me to NO end! I have been an incredible dork my entire life: I can recite (Yeah like word for word it’s creepy) all three original Star Wars films and translate the languages, my first tattoo was from the Neverending Story when I was 18, I get and always have gotten excited over Algebra, I did theatre in school, etc. 

I was a DORK. A NERD. A GEEK. And it was NOT cool. 

Granted, I had the punky pink haired weirdness that made me some cute oddity in high school and college so I had a great high school and college experience but that’s moot. 

It is NOT cool to magically be into RPG’s because it’s trendy. 
It is NOT cool that you’re buying Voltron underpants at Hot Topic when you picked on my collection I had when I was 8. 
It is NOT cool to start wearing shirts about how hard a geek’s life is when you have been one for about five hot minutes. 

And it’s OK to NOT be the latest trend. Just know who YOU are and go with it! 

Step 2: Accept who you are. Now, this is the hardest thing I think for anyone, but once you know who you are, just roll with it. There’s nothing wrong with you!! Don’t like the latest TV trend? You’re probably saving money on cable. Don’t like the new hit song? You’re probably not having to suffer those horrible morning DJs (Does anyone listen to that crap?? I mean it’s god awful and they do the same damn pranks every week. Originality anyone?). Don’t like the latest bestseller? You’re probably not wasting any money on weird bondage crap your husband will never use. And all of that is OK. 

Step 3: Say what you say. Now, there is a difference between correction communication Last week's blog :) and worrying about offending anyone. Always try to be kind but to be honest you are always gonna offend someone sometime (PENIS!) and you can’t drive yourself insane trying to decide whether or not comment A is gonna offend friend B even though it really isn’t offensive because it’s a joke but everything (POOP!) offends them and you’re worried that they’ll jam up the copier in front of you because they do that (WEED!) to people who offend them or start rumors about you. 

WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?!?

There is a difference between being considerate and being a doormat. 
Don’t be a doormat. 
Just don’t be an asshat either. 
Penis (Daniel’s :p ) 
Did I offend you??

Step 4: Do what you do. Ok, first, see Step 3 above. Those rules pretty much apply but in your actions you’ve got to follow through and be yourself. Don’t just talk the talk, but walk the walk. Take my insanity for example.  I like body art, a lot. A whole lot. Like I was HEARTBROKEN that Michael Shanks doesn’t have a tattoo because to me that would only make him that much hotter. (Athena, could you imagine that body with INK!!! MELT!! - Focus Bri focus, BLOG). So, I stopped worrying about what others thought (except for my job - I made sure it was cool with them - I need to eat ya know) and just did it. 15 piercings and 7 tattoos later, I’m still not done. (Granted I had 6 of those piercings and 3 of those tattoos before I got myself back...)

Don’t like it?
I don’t really care. 
Hot Roommate likes them and he’s about all who I’m trying to please. 

Step 5: Take chances. Put yourself out there. Honestly, you never know what will happen. I told my current employer a few years ago that I wanted a job that didn’t exist. Guess what? It does now. I wanted to finish my favorite TV series in a way that wasn’t some stupid shut up the fans canned makes no sense at all romance. So I wrote it. People seem to really like it too. My son’s class needed a room mother and my daughter’s scout troop needed a leader. I said I would do it, knowing full well that I’m NOT the typical mom and freak some other moms out with my body art. Guess what? Both are going well. 

Just do it. 
Oops, did I steal a Nike slogan? 
My bad, considering free advertising. You make good shoes. 

Step 6: Have faith in yourself. I’m not gonna shit ya, it’s hard to be yourself. People want everyone to be the same, be what they want them to be and when they aren’t they will do their best to make you want to crawl into a hole and die. Now, there is a sick part of me that wants to tell you to purchase some pig’s blood and go all Carrie on them (google this if you do not know the reference, it makes me seem less insane) but then again that might be my current obsession with horror films. Just smile, sit back and realize that they are just too damn scared to be themselves and jealous that you aren’t. 

This is where my piercer comes in. When I went to get my lip ring switched out my kids got to meet my piercer Jason. My son has a red mohawk and a skull and crossbones earring. My daughter has a short TinkerBell pixie hair cut with pink hair. When I introduced them to him the first thing he did was get down into the floor and look them both in the eyes and said this: 

“You guys are great. You keep being yourselves, no matter what that is. Be true to yourself and you’ll never go wrong. Give me a high five.” 

Not a lot makes me tear up. 
THAT did. 

Step 7: Don’t judge others for doing what you are doing. You don’t like Nascar (I’m using this as an example because I cannot for the life of me get the idea of cars driving around in circles to be entertaining, but to each his own) then fine, don’t hate on someone because they do. No nasty remarks, no “sarcastic” or “snarky” comments, just accept it if you want to be their friend. Playful teasing, fine, I do that often with some really good buddies of mine, but it ends there. I don’t begrudge my friends for their insanity any more than they begrudge me for mine. Gotta give to receive. 

Step 8: Erase negativity. And I don’t just mean social media, although we do need to take a break there. Look, I don’t have time for that complicated process that is unfriending and I barely have time to unfollow. So here’s the deal. If your entire FaceBook or Twitter or Tumblr or WHATEVER is just “Woe is me, my life sucks, my ex sucks, my baby daddy owe me some diapers, bitch, piss, moan, how in the hell did you make it to adulthood anyway....” UNFRIEND ME. You are toxic, like waste, and I need you gone. Make sure, however, to extend this to your Real Life as well. If there is a friend that EVERY time you hang out they make you feel like crap or like you want to initiate the zombie apocalypse, then STOP talking to them. Just stop. More toxic waste. And trust me, I watch enough horror movies to know that toxic waste is NOT a good thing. 

Step 9: Be there for others. You’re not an island (this is different from wanting to LIVE on one - I want an island for me, Daniel and Belgian chocolate but I digress). We need other people, people to bitch to AND people to bitch to you. Yea, that means you gotta listen and give advice and shit. Or at least listen. For the advice I’ve got like 80 or so damn entries here, so just forward my blog address.

Step 10: Wine. Note that I just said wine. Yeah, so of course I could recommend a dry Spanish red or perhaps a crisp Australian Riesling (I know, not German but them Aussies can WORK a grape!) but this blog is about being yourself. Drink whatever you like, even Gas Station wine (Moscato) if that’s your fancy. 

Just let me know when you pop open that bottle. 
I’ll join you. 

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