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Wednesday, April 4, 2012

How to Have a Good Day


How to Have a Good Day
Subtitle: I can’t fix Mondays but for all of those who have high hopes for the rest of the week
Step 1: Have a morning ritual.  Mine goes something like this: Turkey starts gobbling loudly.  I open window and scream at turkey.  Get back into bed.  Cat decides she needs love right now.  Throw cat onto floor.  Girl child enters bedroom babbling in that strange New Jersey/Southern accent that she has that I cannot understand before coffee. Pull covers over head.  Boy child goes down hall declaring he can cook waffles all by himself.  Dash out of bed to prevent a house fire.  
Step 2:  Coffee. Lots of it.  And not purchased coffee, because when you make it at home yourself you can make it stronger. A lot stronger.  So strong that as soon as you sip while your children are dancing all around you, the turkey is gobbling, the cat is going insane, your husband is trying to plan the entire rest of the week out loud and your phone is ringing, you get a Marvel comics worthy burst of energy and can handle it all.  You scream “GO AWAY” and they all flee.  Start with the waffles first. 
Step 3: Have a morning happy thought.  Personally, I follow a few smart mouthed celebs on Twitter who always have something funny to say anytime of the day.  I laugh at their silliness as I drink my coffee while the children are quietly stuffing their faces.  IF said celebs or a certain hot Stargate character have NOT posted anything clever in the a.m. I go to YouTube and search “Pam True Blood Funny Moments.”  Seriously, there is nothing in life that watching Pam rant cannot fix.  
Step 4: Laugh at your work day. Trust me, even if you think you have the most perfect job in the world at least once a day something stupid will happen.  If this is REALLY not the case, consider a career change.  I recommend teaching. I have never had so much fun in my life as being a teacher. (I will be instructing you on how to become a teacher at a later date). Kids are hysterical and when they do stupid things you can forgive them because they are kids.  Here is just a sampling of things that go on in my day: 
  1. Student calls me on phone.  Student: “Sra., my phone is not working?” Me: “Then sweetie, what are you calling me on?” Student: “Oh, I guess it’s working again.”  
  2. Instant Message from student: Spanish Student: “Sra., do we do the project in Spanish?” Me: “No, I think in this one we should practice our German skills.” Student: “Ok” Me: “You know that was a joke right?” Student: “Oh, ok, I was worried, ha ha.” 
  3. Student emails me: Student: “Happy Birthday SeƱora. We love you!” Me: “I love you guys too, but it is not my birthday.” Student: “I know. But I was hoping you would be so happy about this email you would give me that point I need for a B.” 
  4. Student messages me: Student: “I don’t think the system saved my grade.” Me: “Oops, it didn’t, fixing it now.” Student: “Good.  I want all A’s. Kids with all A’s get a giant trophy.” 
Step 4A: Have a friend you can text/email/call/tweet immediatly to share these insane things with. It makes it that much funnier when you get to laugh at their response a second time. The best part is when they message you back informing you that they just spit coffee on their students laughing at what yours did. Which brings me too....
Step 5: Make sure to be friends with at least one family member. Trust me, they are the only people in your life genetically engineered to be as screwed up as you are.  I have sent things to non-blood related friends and they are like, uh, ok Bri, haha. Send it to my cousin and I can feel her laughing from the other side of the screen.  
Step 6: Get excited about the small things.  Like $8 Groupon for those expensive gourmet cupcakes at your favorite shop.  Buy Groupon excited that not only are they half price but you have loyalty bucks so they are free. Then realize you live so far out in the country that the $8 you saved will be eaten up in freakin gas.  Go back to pondering purchase of electric car on bucket list.  
Step 7: Exercise.  I don’t care what you do, although we know how I feel about running.  But get up and move for at least 30 minutes and have a fantasy world to escape into.  I like to pretend I am my alternate super heroine self training to make myself physically ready to save the galaxy.... (Did I just admit that out loud.... oops!). 
Step 8: Spanish wine and bad TV.  At this point as my reader if you have not gotten Spanish wine you will be missing out on many steps in this happiness process.  Not good TV, those are for days that are going to be good, but bad TV. TV that you can laugh at.  With the correct Spanish wine, any TV can be hilarious.  Case in point: Golf.  With the proper wine enduring my husband watching men tap tiny little balls into tiny little holes with tiny little sticks in stupid outfits is HILARIOUS! 
Step 9: Read before bed.  Something to relax you or to get that little fantasy factory in your head going so your dreams are so sweet that when that turkey starts gobbling at the crack of dawn, you have a good reason to yell at him.  I always do...

3 comments:

  1. "Send it to my cousin and I can feel her laughing from the other side of the screen."

    Ha ha ha - damn straight!

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  2. That is so hilarious, and how come I'm not on that list of getting the good stuff?

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  3. @Michael - I will be sure to send you messages of insane things students say from now on! xoxox Bri

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