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Wednesday, May 14, 2014

How to Leave

How to Leave
Subtitle: I can't take it anymore, so I'm bowing out.
It's not called quitting when there's a better option.

Please note: Not in normal format, so bear with me...

Dear Fandom,

I would like to begin by saying that I'm sorry it took me so long to learn of you as I am normally the person that likes to learn new things, but I was super busy. First, I'd like to thank you for your kind invitation into your fold a few years ago. I was excited, it was cool to belong to something so big and rich, but I am sad to say that this letter officially marks my resignation from your group. 

As to not cause any confusion, I would like to state why...

First, the term itself is troubling. It derives from the word fan which is short for fanatic which is as a person with "excessive or single-minded zeal." Unfortunately, single-minded is probably that last way I would describe myself as I have a variety of interests in variety of areas. While I understand that English is an ever changing language and the term has come to mean simply a person that likes/enjoys something a lot, I can't shake that I know the origin and really and truly "excessive and single-minded zeal" is a lot of what I witness. 

Secondly, I don't think I can hack being a part of your organization. I have so much going on in my life, a job, a family, pets, friends, hobbies, volunteer work to know things like episode names and what time things are in syndication or the birthdate and sports teams of the children of some of the actors I like is next to impossible. Hell, I barely know some of their (actors) names; thank Athena for Wikipedia! I just don't know those little "fan" tidbits and since I have to work and pay my bills I don't have a lot of time to look them up. And honestly, I don't care. I will go to a con here or there and give a hug, but to be truthful, I'm terrified of a photo-op taking too long because I have NO IDEA what the guest is talking about when he/she/they mention a fan or personal website update last week. 

No idea. 

I'm just smiling and nodding because they play a character I like in something. 

Thirdly, and most concerning, is the bullying. Now, I understand that many of the fans have flocked to this to escape reality and have since they were in school. I didn't, I just liked the stuff in my free time, and I really can't relate to them when they talk about being bullied in school/work/life because that is just not my personal life experience. To top it off, however, what I then see, in person and online are the very same people that are whining about being bullied, bullying themselves. 

Ok I'm lost?

Is this something those of us who were not bullies or have never been victims won't get?

You see, I had always assumed that if you were, I dunno, let's say, singled out in high school to be harassed that you would never want to do that to another person, that you would want other people to live a life better than yours, not that you would turn to the internet to find your own victims. Or, if you had a rough life, which that I've had I just try not to rub it in everyone else's faces, that you would want to help others, not use it as an excuse to be abusive. That just makes no sense, and it makes me feel as if there is some psychologically wrong with the entire organization. 

Lastly, and I truly apologize for this, I think I came into this for the wrong reasons. Not to beat a dead horse, but I found you at a low time in my life and you helped get me through it. Thanks for that, but it was selfish and I tried to give back, write some stories for the other fans, but I just don't think I thought it through before joining. I like to give things 100%, my "A game" so to speak, and I haven't. I don't get fan sites, I don't join forums, I really do not feel comfortable in fan groups and I feel guilty talking to others about having a happy life that is not fictional. Because of these things, I have been VERY slack in my fan knowledge and interaction so when things are presented to me I'm back at the photo-op scenario where I just have no clue as to what is going on. As such,  I feel that since I am unable to give you my very best, and it is time that I step away. 

In closing, I'd like to thank you for your willingness to accept me. I wish you only the best. 


now someone that just "likes" stuff 

1 comment:

  1. Read, and totally understand where you are coming from. *hug*