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Wednesday, March 21, 2012

How to “Have a fun Marriage”


Entry #1
How to “Have a fun Marriage” 
Subtitle: How to marry one of your friends and not be man needy
Step 1:  Recognize signs when you see them.  No, seriously, I barely believe in anything but I think that there are signs for things and we need to stop ignoring them.  So, when you go to college and get assigned someone as the speaking partner in your Spanish class, only to discover he has a hot roommate to then return as a full time student a year later and have your older friends re-introduce you to said hot roommate once more, get a clue that it might be meant to be.  
Step 2:  Date and possibly marry other people.  Date guys/women because they are hot, will buy you things, will teach you things.  Remain friends with hot roommate as he dates crazy chicks and needs a friend to complain to.  Kidnap hot roommate off of the sidewalk in your ghetto van on his way to dinner.  
Step 3: Realize three months before you graduate college that all along you should have dated hot roommate but were too damn stupid to admit it to yourself.  Kiss hot roommate on back stoop of dorm.  He will kiss you back.  Trust me, if he went out to the back stoop with you while the rest of your friends were having a college is coming to a close crisis, he wants you to kiss him.  
Step 4:  Says yes after the shock wears off that you are kissing this man after lord knows how many years and he asks you out to dinner.  This is his way of saying, I am a retard, you were right here all along.  
Step 5: Marry him.  He will ask.  He will ask in the most insane way possible. Like taping a ring to a board you are about to punch through (Did I forget to mention the Black Belt thing in my bio?). Then have a wedding wearing a medieval gown and a horse drawn carriage.  Don’t bother asking if Star Wars or Stargate music is alright to process in.  His answer will be no.  Pretend it is playing in your head while you walk down the aisle.  It still has the same effect.  
Step 6: Now comes the cheesy sweet not as funny part.  Maybe.  Treat your entire life together as an adventure.  Because guess what, marriage is NOT like on TV.  It is not even like in my stories I write.  It is hard and annoying and some days you want to run away. Don’t.  Because when you get pissed and get your car stuck in the mud at “yonder pond” you are going to instinctively dial your spouse.  THAT is love.  
Step 6A: Stay well buzzed most of year seven.  It is BRUTAL.  I find that Spanish table wine is excellent for dealing with year seven.  Also find a hobby.  That way, when you do decide to go drive off and get stuck in the mud by “yonder pond” you can sit and wait for your spouse and calm yourself thinking about when you get to do said hobby next.  
Step 7: Try something insane together, at least one a year, that you have never done before.  We do this with our friends but we just leave our spouses out.  Personally, Jack and I dig travel and in our first year climbed a Volcano in Hawaii. But even if we just go out and ride the same roller coaster over and over until we vomit (Anniversary year 7 I believe) it has the same effect.  If the best adventure you have is with your spouse, the best memories will be with them too. 
That’s all I got so far.  We are at 8.5 and trucking on.  It’s been good, it’s been bad, but he is always there when it’s all over.  As far as how to snag a guy/girl if college roommate stalking is not an option, just stop and look for signs.  You DON’T have to be married by a certain age or you are a failure.  Or, you could have screwed up #1 and #2 or #12.  But stop and look for the little things that may just seem like coincidence but aren’t. 
And then convince him/her you will grow up and stop acting like a child until he says “I do.” After that, all bets are off.  

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