How to Laugh it Off

How to Laugh it Off

Subtitle: At this point, I can't do anything else but laugh. 

Step 1: Canada, I love you, I do. Your people are nice, your Shanks is hot, and your Poutine makes a former fat girl cry with joy. However, please do me ONE favor. 

Stop. Making. Software. 

Truly, it's hurting me. You make a rushed Windows update look like something we actually want to purchase. 

Ok, feel me?? 

Make more of this  -------->

And LESS of this --------> 

Step 2: Face that they're not gonna stop making software. Ergo, you must take matters into your own hands... (no wine, yet anyway, it's too early to drink...)

Step 3: Prepare for updates. See, in what I believe is an attempt at politeness, because they make my ENTIRE country look like a cesspool of jackasses, this lovely company does their updates at night, on holidays etc. That's great, it doesn't shut down the system, but what it DOES do is cause this to happen...

Imagine, sitting down at your desk, a hot cup of joe in one hand and the other listlessly logging into the system. All is well, it's time to start your day when...

YOUR PAGER/EMAIL/PHONE explode. 

See, today, the FABULOUS update by my most beloved software company changed 'tu y yo' on my AP SPANISH QUIZZES to tofu. 

Yes. 

You read that right. 

Tofu. 

At the END of the semester. 

I'm about to change that wine rule from earlier. 

Step 4: The Gradebook is a living organism, that reproduces. Randomly. I'm starting to think that they have sexy parties after I log off, all of the grade books just boozing it up, dashing off into dark hidden corners of the system. This morning there was not one but TWO, yes, TWO newborn grade book babies. No clue as to where in the hell they came from, no clue as to what magical nonexistent assignments that they represent, just NO IDEA. 

Whatever, I'll call the tech guy. 

*Makes a note of how many beers I owe him later*

Step 5: People don't read. They don't read letters, they don't read passwords, they just don't read. In fact, are YOU reading this, or skimming it or did you stop at the picture of Daniel Jackson (I mean, I would have too, don't get me wrong, he is QUITE distracting)?

Case in point: I use Game of Thrones characters as passwords. Today's password was Joffrey. 

THIS was a phone call I got (NO LIE): 

Me: Sure thing! Sorry it was confusing. The password is 'Joffrey'. Adult on the Line helping student: Jeffery? Me: No 'Joffrey'with an 'O'. J-O-F-F-R-E-Y Joffrey. Adult: I put that. I put J-E-F-F-E-R-Y

Me: No, that's Jeffery. This has an "o".

Adult: I put an 'o' J-E- *pauses* I didn't read carefully, did I?

*facepalm*

Step 6: Check the clock, it's time for a wine countdown.

Step 7: Oh, you were checking the clock? Babe, I already opened the bottle.

Step 8: Wait? What was I doing??

Step 9: No, really, if I could fix it I would, trust me...

Step 10: ...

This is Brianne's liver speaking.

Due to her erratic behavior today and her rapid and heavy consumption of Italian Red Wine, I will be voiding her normal step ten, which is to drink, and ask someone to kindly message me with instructions as to how to work the coffee maker.

Thank you.

How to Send it Off

How to Send it Off

Subtitle: This is NOT a year in review, well totally, this is a return to my blogging roots :D 

No advice here, just silly! 

Here goes nothing...

I have to admit that January sucked some ass

Sorry for already using words that are so crass

In February plans were made 

And we figured out where we had strayed

By March I was running like a fool

And met a Canadian who was rather cool

In April our life was in full swing

But I was too excited as to what summer would bring

May we wrapped up the year of school and work

Loving and living each and every little perk

In June I just enjoyed my two little shits

Who kept my company as I finished my work bits

There were some laughs with Carl Mool I just have to mention

That helped relieved the 2 a.m. tension

When along came July when I jumped some crazy brit

And together we tore up the London Film & Comic Con a bit

August for me and my man was the big ten

Spent it in Chicago with some amazing people, my sister wife, and Stargate's Big Ben ;)

September the school year started anew

And I got to jump Hot Pants for time number two

I wish I could remember much of October

And it's because of the training you jerk; I was perfectly sober

I accomplished a dream on the sixteenth of November

as I ran a marathon, something I will always remember

So then came December and we looked back, 

on things that had happened and things that hadn't.

You see, life is what you make it, you can't sit around.

If you're waiting for it to happen for you, then YOU'RE at fault for your frown. 

So here's to the new year, and the adventures it may bring.

Don't be afraid to be yourself, do your own thing. 

Sure there will always be something that is out of reach. 

But don't let that control your life, look for the lessons it can teach. 

As for me, this will be a years of races,

on the road as well as other interesting places.

Best wishes to you and yours for an amazing year,

Know that YOU are in control of the direction you steer. 

How to Understand Extroverts

How to Understand Extroverts

Subtitle: I'm not a psychologist, but I AM an extrovert, so I think that outweighs someone who's NOT giving their opinion. 

Sub-sub title: I'm NOT an energy sucking asshole. 

Step 1: Stop associating us with those clever little introvert cartoons on Facebook! Evidently, according to that 22 things or whatever cartoon that was pretty on the mark for introverts, WE extroverts are 'Energy-Sucking Vampires.'

Yeah, no. 

See, ex, if you know Latin means 'out' therefore we're expelling energy OUTWARD. Honestly, most of us have so much energy to burn that it's exploding out of us 24/7 (If you've met me, you've met the hugging energy monster) and we're really not trying to draw from your introvertedness. In fact, if anything, we want to give to you because in our world happiness is this giant hug fest to be shared. 

Annoyed yet? 

Dude, I'm like this and I annoy myself :P

Point being, you wanna like that cute little cartoon fine, but it was not entitled Extroverts. 

THAT part was WRONG. 

Then again, I'm relying on social media to tell the truth about something, so, yeah...

Step 2: This does not mean we're happy all of the time. So, here's the deal. MOST people are NOT Extroverts. Think about the last gathering you went to. Extroverts are NOT the blow-bragging family member everyone hates. The extroverts are the aunt that hugged everyone hi, checked the food fifteen times, asked you if you were alright about the same number of times, then hugged everyone goodbye, maybe even led the family in Christmas Carols. There is usually one of us and we're easy to spot. But we're not happy all of the time. This doesn't mean we're depressed, sad, that we're secret introverts that need re-charging, it's just that sometimes WE wear ourselves out. 

Literally. 

I go and go and go and go and go ALL DAY and I have insomnia and I go and go and go and go and then...

CRASH

I'm not depressed, mad at you, mad at anyone, no other creative drama, I have just literally passed out from exhaustion.

And I drool, so, my bad...

Step 3: We have feelings and they can get hurt, easily. Probably easier than you think. Energy and positivity is NOT the "IN" thing. We as a society make fun of people that are over-dramatic, emo, etc. but really and truly when we meet a REALLY happy extroverted person the FIRST thing we say is "FAKER" or "PUT-ON." 

Just think about that for a second. 

How would that make YOU feel??

It HURTS you MORONS! <------ See, I'm an extrovert, I shouted that. :P 

We ARE happy, until you question our motives. THIS is just WHO we are; we're not here to upset or hurt you, we just ARE like this just like you just ARE introverted.

*Puts away tissues*

I'm better now...

*Sniff*

Step 4: If we are like this around everyone BUT you, then YOU might be the problem. Not to be a jerk but Extroverts are sensitive; we want to help and be happy and when we are around someone who CLEARLY likes to be miserable, we don't draw in like introverts, we put our energy elsewhere. When I am at an uncomfortable party full of nasty people, I CLEAN compulsively or find something else to do. The energy has gotta go somewhere, and if you're not wanting it and are gonna be a jerk when I expel it, I'm gonna find a way for it to get out. 

So, I'd like to thank everyone for putting up with me because I KNOW it's exhausting. (Remember, see step 2 :) ) 

Step 5: Realize we are NOT all the same. Granted, a lot of this is speaking for me, but many of us have just ONE thing in common, the energy/personality type that I'm talking about here. After that, many similarities stop. I'm an extrovert that teaches online and uses social media, which puts me as the lone extrovert in a world of introverts. What you see online is NOT an act, I AM that energetic 24/7. I walk right up and hug people, even when I don't know them! I adore Michael Shanks and I have just marched my ass up to him and thrown my arms around him. 

Twice. 

I don't care. 

Because I'm not thinking and analyzing, we Extroverts think everyone puts their pants on the same way as we do, so we're just marching up there. 

I've hugged the BIG BOSS at the DOE. 

And I would hug Barack Obama or the Pope, just a warning to you both.

Step 6: HUG US. I went off track before, extrovert thing, see above. We're annoying like that. In fact, when, or at least me, feels like I CAN'T hug you, it's like a worm is eating me from the inside...

Step 7: Oh yeah, and we're not stupid. In fact, MANY of us have a VERY high IQ, but it's not socially acceptable to be happy and smart; they don't go together. OR our smarts are overshadowed by impulsiveness. Yep, when I get pissed, I rant and go bonkers first and think it through later. Sometimes I'm in the right, other times not. 

It's just the way we are. 

And to repeat, an extrovert's rant does NOT mean we're not "alright." 

We'll be good in like, legit, five minutes. 

We JUST had to blast out that energy. 

See? Rant over already :D :D :D 

Step 8: Don't call us hyper. 

Hyper is an over-stimulated child. That's rude; we have energy, but we are not children that need ritalin.

Want us to call you EMO? 

Didn't think so. 

Easily distracted and stimulated?

Fine, I'll give you that...

BLACK SQUIRREL!

Step 9: I LOVE you. Now I GET mad and say I hate people, but I don't. Extroverts wanna have their hands in everything and fix the world and just because we're loud doing it doesn't mean we want or need recognition; we're just loud by nature. 

I will run back to open the door. 

I will do insane things like scream and stop everything to save a turtle. 

I know you guys are doing it too, you just do it a LOT LOT quieter and we secretly hate you for it because WE CAN'T! It is in our nature to be LOUD just like it's in yours NOT to be.

You get an idea and you just do it, nice and quiet and normal. 

WE get an idea and BAMMO!!!! IDEA OUT OF CONTROL. 

Point is, we mean well and we care, just pat us and listen, it'll come down eventually.

Maybe...

What the HELL else did I just volunteer for!?!?!

Step 10: Can I get a glass? Yep, we're the ones that a bottle or so in are gonna be on the table. 

Don't be hatin' :p

Just video it! 

Trust me, we'll think it's HILARIOUS later especially if you post it on Facebook!

Ice Ice Baby anyone??