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Tuesday, September 10, 2013

How to Live

How to Live 
Subtitle: Three years ago I didn't want to anymore. 
But I do now. 
Please read this. 

This won't be long or preachy, but I've seen on social media for a few days what today is and I knew it was coming. For those of you that don't know, today is World Suicide Prevention Day, something that hits home with me because I was there. 

I've made two attempts on my life, once at 15, my mother to rescue me and stop me and once as an adult, my husband the only one until right now to know this. I never even told my mom, the person other than my husband closest to me in the world. If you are a regular reader you know my story of Changing My Stars and everything behind it, the positive happy stuff, but here's the gritty: 

I wanted to die. 

More than anything I never wanted to get out of bed and didn't want to get up, and never wanted to wake up again. In fact, I would have killed myself in a heartbeat were it not for the fact that I did not want my children to find my body. I spent many night time hours alone as my husband worked trying to figure out a way where he would find me and not them, where he could collect the insurance money to take care of them without my income. I actually had it all worked out, sickenly so, and to be honest I'm not sure what stopped me so I can impart some great revelation to you. 

My point is that you have no idea how another person is suffering. They can smile and seem to have the world and be broken inside. They might need that one little boost you can give them, one tiny grin, they just might need you. Sure, we all have insecurities, to say that you're 100% confident and have no insecurities is a complete and total lie, but remember before you shoot off a smart ass remark or cocky comment that the person you might be talking to could be suffering. Playing is one thing, but make sure that if you're gonna be a friend to someone, you be a friend. Tell the people in your life that you love them and that you're there for them unconditionally, to listen or to help them get professional help. 

Everybody needs somebody, and not in the romantic sense, but in friendship. 

So, if you are reading this and thinking, I'm there, I want to die, or I have wanted to die, please don't hesitate to reach out to me. I've been there and I'm not an expert but I sure as heck know who is and can point you in the right direction. 

Also if you're on twitter follow @emotechnology or check out This is a GREAT organization dedicated to preventing suicide. They have ways to help or  you can contact or call them 24/7 at 1-800-273-TALK. 

Either way, don't give up. 

Too many people love you. 

Like me :)


  1. You are so brave to share this. Thank you, and I love you too. Hugs.

  2. Yes, very brave. I'm sad & happy for you at the same time. Sad that you felt you had no options, happy that you decided to stay, and also proud. Yes proud of you for sharing, lest someone else feel such hopelessness while believing it will never get better. You ROCK!