How to End A Series - A Book Review of Dead Ever After by Charlaine Harris

Like many of the other readers, I have never written a book review before but after sitting on this for a week I really just want to say a few things. No, I am not a published author, but I do write and when an amazing writer and storyteller like Charlaine Harris does things in a fantastic series that I have been TORN apart for doing, I just feel obligated to warn other readers.

THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS.

Ok, first this is not a review about the fact that I did not like the fact that Sookie didn't end up with Eric. To be honest, I feel the books set us up for this to be a childish fantasy of hers and not a long term relationship that Sookie began to crave as the years went by. In fact, I have been saying same for about six or seven books now and I do thing the way their relationship is portrayed in the show does not give their relationship in the books justice.

First, the writing. It is dismal and choppy. It was so bad that I went to my shelf and got the last four books to skim and see if maybe over the years of reading that I missed something in her style that was just bothering me this time around. Nope. This volume seems to be rushed, as if she just wanted it done and over with, with no real editing for flow. Yes, it is told from Sookie's POV, but that doesn't mean the "bad guy" scenes should be equally as choppy since they are told from third person. They were, however, and it was distracting and made me want to skim the scenes.

Which brings me to the bad guys...WHAT THE HECK?!? I love this series, not just for the romance, but the intrigue, the challenges Sookie faces outside of her disaster of a live life. It was as if she couldn't think of anything else to come up with, so she went back through her character charts and was like, oh Claude didn't die, or Steve Newlin...let's use them. That might have worked, especially the Claude post-torture angle, but the story of how the baddies came after her was so convoluted that even when Claude gets his big monologue in the end even HE admits it makes no sense! It's akin to when Christina on Grey's Anatomy said "Well we've been in everything else, why not a plane crash?". I KNOW this is a literary tactic, but sometimes, it doesn't give you the free pass you want, it just makes the whole idea look that much more stupid. I would have to give a negative star to the villain in this volume.

The romance. Gonna say it, I am and always have been TEAM SAM. I thought the lead up to Sam and Sookie together was wonderful except for TWO things.

1. When Sookie says that she has always loved him but afraid to say. NO.SHE.HASN'T. Did you read your own books? I do think that she has always loved him, always, but I think it would have been best if Sookie had a realization rather that acting like she'd been playing a part all along. An "Oh wow," scene would have been more consistant with the character, maybe even flashing back to the entire time they had known one another.

2. Sam accepts Sookie's 'taking her time' as long as they can continue to have 'hot sex.' What the hell!? With the ONE line, you completely destroyed the Sam character. Sam was her match because there was a real connection there, but to agree to that diminishes the entirty of their relationship. I am NOT a prude, at all, but love is love and sex is sex and while they mix pure love overcomes everything and realizes the difference. Think I've read too many book? Nope, I LIVE a real love and that is not how it works.

And then there is the supporting cast. First, the Quinn character never made any sense, was flat, and just someone for her to sleep with. So he comes back, makes no good sense, helps in no needed way and leaves. OK...Eric, wow, what happened there? I didn't need or expect them together but he was neutered SUPER fast and it just made no sense. Now, if we were to get an Eric book or and Eric POV to learn he had a plan, fine, but nothing. I don't need him with Sookie, I don't but he just died. Bill became, as Sookie herself put it, the friendly neighbor and after all of that power in his little Vampire Database thingy he was just the guy across the cemetery again. In fact, we got more resolution for Mr. C and his demon niece than ANY Of the characters we have come to love. Even Pam, who gets promoted to sheriff, was barely mentioned after being pretty much Sookie's closest friend for AGES.

That is probably not all but I am kind of crushed. No Sookie, you are not being you if you want to have some Sam on the side. No, you are not being you by casting aside all of those supernatural people who have nearly DIED for you. You just were tired of telling the story, but we deserved a better ending.

How to wake up from a nightmare

Hey everyone!

Long time no blog, huh? To be clear, I haven't been here for a while and the reason isn't just because I'm writing Fan Fiction, although a Daniel Jackson escape is always nice, and it hasn't been because I haven't had plenty to talk about, because I do, but it's simply because I haven't had anything funny to talk about.

Why not?

So far it just hasn't been a funny year.

Let's not confuse ourselves as the less intelligent often do. The world is not black and white, but a myriad of shades of grey in between. If you think otherwise, I hope daddy's money and connections hold out for you, because you gonna have a RUDE awakening in the real world. 2013 has been an ok year and has taught me a lot.

Fine, ok, she's rambling at 5 a.m. (if you are checking the timestamp) what is this about and today my topic is about heros. You see, when people get into these debates about who or what can have an impact on your life like they are the judge & jury of all being, I tend to shut up, which for me is rare because usually I only shut up to prevent something serious like starting a family feud. But I had a dream last night and yeah, I'm gonna use some names because people need to be called out and praised for their behavior.

The dream starts as I am getting papers back as an undergrad from a woman who taught me math in high school. Now I won't give a name here but let's just say that she's one of those "my way is the only way people" and had me convinced I was an idiot at Math. (Uh, yeah, I'm not, one of my COLLEGE professors showed me that. And your comment on homeschooling my kids and my sister - all are excelling in life and know more about social skills than I hear you STILL do.) In the dream though, she is teaching English, and I am getting 50's and 70's (grades I never get and never used to get) for not writing full essays on a test where it only asked for parts of the essays. (i.e. write thesis and into and first sentence of first body paragraph). So, as I would do now or did then, I went to see the teacher and ask why and what I could do to get better. This teacher, however, not only chooses to mock me in that 'I think I am smart and sassy and sarcastic and funny but really I am just mean' kind of way but to berate me in front of the class. After back and forth for what seemed for forever, she basically tells me that I suck as a writer and there is no helping me.

Funny thing.

That happened, just not her and I'm not talking about Surprise Package. I was told essentially the same thing by a professor at R-MC who unfortunately still teaches there. Not only that but this woman does it in front of another student (back to dream) and I completely lose it, crying my eyes out asking why she won't she help me improve. Her answer: Some people don't belong here.

Some people don't belong here. 

Who in the FUCK decides that? In anything, who are YOU to judge the place of another, especially someone who strives to do better for themselves, to enhance their life experience. Who are YOU? Are you GOD? Because if that answer to that question is NO, then you need to shut your ignorant mouth. It's not just that it's mean and wrong to treat another person like that, sick, it's that no matter how strong the person, no matter how hard you try, things like that come back and haunt you.

And you have dreams about a Math teacher that said crappy things to you as a student and when you went back to teach in that hellhole of a high school when you are 32 years old.

Ah! But, I'm not just blogging about a silly nightmare and a bully, though I would love and am tempted to start calling people OUT for their idiocy, but this is about heroes.

Enter James Scanlon.

Before Daniel Jackson/Michael Shanks motivated me to change my stars I was that "trailer park" kid in an elite college told that I didn't belong. And on some levels I didn't, because a Patrick Henry High School education prepared me for very little, not because I didn't have some great teachers, but because the curriculum was so watered down I had no idea what it really was to earn an 'A.'
Dr. Scanlon, on the other hand, was the HARDEST professor at Randolph-Macon College, the HARDEST, but he NEVER gave up on any student that tried, NEVER. He spent countless hours with me, bringing me up to speed, and when an event in my personal life almost made me give it all up, he refused to let me quit. So it really shouldn't have surprised me when he showed up in my dream as I marched through town in tears, headed for the registrar.

The last words I remember before waking up crying: I'm not gonna let you quit.

I sobbed for fifteen minutes after I awoke.

It's a silly dream; I have finished college AND grad school and do well at my job. I have nothing to be worried or insecure about other than common things, I want you people to like my fiction, I want to have friends based on the content of my character and not the fact that I spoke to you and let you talk about people for two hours. I have spent a lot of time cutting people out of my life that are toxic, but it takes falling asleep and being your most vulnerable to really see what is important.

You have no idea how important you can be in someone else's life with one seemingly small action.

Thanks Dr. Scanlon. You even became a hero in my dreams.

How to Reunion Part DEUX

How to Reunion Part Deux

Subtitle: Lessons Learned in D.C. 23rd March, 2013

1. Some people charge more for hugs than Michael Shanks does for pictures. Because SOME people have a problem with being hugged and DO NOT share this with you for like TWELVE years when they KNOW you are a HUGGER & KISSER. Sorry hun, it's been TWELVE years, you've set a precedent. 

I get my "firm embrace" for free.

Deal

2. It is acceptable to start drinking at noon as long as it is craft beer and don't let anyone convince you otherwise. This would be step ten on a regular how to, but this is reunion time. To be honest, we should have started with step one. 

3. It is much more entertaining to take pictures of your friends holding a sign that says "Poop" when standing in front of major monuments. Sure, we could just smile and wave and try to look cute, make duck faces or other stupid pics to post on Facebook, but personally, we find poop much funnier. 

POOP

See, funny. 

4. Kick yourself out before somebody kicks you out. The moment your slightly intoxicated hugaphonic friend almost knocks the 50" flat screen off of the wall, get up and leave. Once you start noticing the Smithsonian's signs pointing out, clearly, that cute nostalgic 1950's flights were ONLY for white people (which is NOT funny, but listening to my non-white friends read this aloud WAS) you need to leave. Once you realize that your party of ten is a thousand times louder than the part of twenty you are seated beside, you need to leave. 

5. D.C. Loves Penis. No, for real, I understand that our nation's capital was modeled after the Roman Republic and I am SURE that our founding fathers knew of this phallic obsession and most likely found it as HILARIOUS as I do (I mean, they grew hemp, these weren't exactly stuffy old men) but the fact that nearly EVERYTHING that COULD be shaped like a wiener, is, and in some cases *cough Neptune statue* the parts that are normally round look like well, not as round as they should be, someone needs to have a stern talking to with city council. 

For the children. 

6. Read the fine print on your fare cards. Bitches charge you extra for paper because GOD forbid you go to a tourist destination and NOT want to buy a resident card. Nothing else funny to say here. I had to charge $.15. 

Kiss my ass.

7. Don't show your six year old daughter the Hope Diamond. Sure, the reaction of everyone else in the most crowded part of the Museum of Natural History was pretty funny, parting the waters to allow your daughter to cut in front because it was rather funny to hear her say things like "Oh Mom, I want THAT," or "Only a carat, too small," or "Someone NEEDS to buy me THAT crown," but NOW she thinks that these are things she can have. 

Marry rich Clare. 

8. Chinatown REALLY means Starbucks ALSO written in Chinese.  While I wasn't too bothered, my husband has watched enough movies where he was truly heartbroken. By the way, in Chinatown, the sighs are written in Chinese AND the stores are run by white and black college students. 

Oh well. 

9. Never tell a Mongolian man "extra spicy." "Extra spicy" is great, really great, especially great if you were part raised by a Mexican but the next day. See, that's how we got the time to blog again. Got FanFic finished and THIS b/c I need to hover the bathroom. 

Sorry, TMI. 

10. Plan your next get together. Today Terrorize Tour DC, May Terrorize Tour: Deck. Bring your own table. 

#FlatPoop