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Monday, November 11, 2013

How to be in the Middle

How to be in the Middle
Subtitle: How to know based on social media, media and general having to leave the house that you don't belong anywhere…


You see, I have this problem and that problem is I like to read. A lot. Anything. Sometimes stuff I have written. And as a result of that, I'm often insulted by so many things that I have read, because even in 2013 we're grouping ourselves yet again into tiny pidgeon-holed categories and despite everything we SAY about how we are NOT doing that in our righteous Facebook stati (is that right, I always struggle with that…) or conversations after PTA meetings. Truth is, I don't care how other people wanna categorize themselves, but regardless of how strong a person may seem, everyone wants to feel like they belong. 

But what if you're in the middle? 

In a world where we're going right back to a Black vs. White standard, not only racially, but in everything we do, here's what has got me perplexed about "Being in the Middle."

Hold on…

Ok, first I'd like to address this little gem that popped up on Facebook over the weekend. 


Now, I read this because a) I know a lot of introverts and b) because I'm a teacher and strive to understand how people work to better serve them. 

Here's what I learned…

Introverts are not assholes. 

Apparently I am. 



Now, yes, the article, well cartoon, was a very insightful explanation of how introverts view society and social situations. And they don't do it like me, ergo, one must assume that I'm not an introvert. 

That leaves me in the category of asshole. 

I guess, but, well, no, and now I'm so frakkin' confused….

See, I don't live in a hamster ball, though the possibilities of fun and crazy in said hamster ball are endless, can I get a hamsters ball, I mean we can get adult footed pjs is a hamster ball to much to ask for???

I got lost for a moment there, sorry. 

It's a hamster ball...

Back to the analysis. Ok, so I'm not an energy vampire like this lovely little article paints extroverts, I make my own energy, but this whole limited resources, I need to recharge and find interaction exhausting?!? No… I like people, I like making them smile, but if THEY are in need of being chill I'm cool with that too…Reading through, I have SOME introvert qualities, I like to be alone at times, but I don't NEED to be alone nor do I NEED to be with others, I just roll with things. 

Ok, so I'm not an asshole. 

But I'm not an introvert either. 

Fine, then what in the hell am I? 

Label fail. 

Pushing that aside, I'm sitting around Sunday reading the Sunday paper, having my coffee, thanking Atalanta that marathon training is essentially over when I found this little gem…


The title intrigues me, I'm a mommy and am always looking for articles about being a mommy even though 99% of them make me feel like I'm doing something wrong. I keep reading, hoping against hope that maybe I will find one and stand and scream "Me! That's me!!" 

Yeah, no. 

Ok, first, I would like to educate the author of this article in humor. 


This is what we call funny. As many comedians have been doing for years, we take a statement of truth and then EXAGGERATE it to the max. This entire article which I was so hoping would tell me that it's ok NOT to be a Pinterest mommy turned into a THEM and US. 

Them = The "I took a shower mom" 
Us = Those of us who reread the same story 15 times, cuddle, and SAY we do not go on Pinterest but do and it makes us feel bad and BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Ugh. 

Alright, first, I find that meme hilarious because after spending a few hours in the ER last week with my son and the nosebleed that wouldn't quit, 'keeping them alive' sounded pretty damn good about then.

See, once again, I don't fit into either of those categories. My kids are cared for, loved, make good grades, etc. but I refuse to crawl around in the floor like a four year old because I cannot play, I do not like to play and when I try and pretend my children just send me away. My son has often said "Dad plays and reads stories, you are who we go to if we need to talk or homework help." The author goes on to list the differences between mundane and mediocrity. Yeah, read it. I don't do the mundane either. Some of that is nonsensical. If your kid is crying, why are you gonna sit there all day?? Figure out what's wrong. Four kids, you have FOUR and you're not calling your husband or grandma taking them all to the store? No, you're TRYING to look like a martyr, not get things done. 

Them and Us. 

And here I am in the middle. Yep, I use Pinterest for room mother ideas and that alone, because it saves me time and money. Nope, I don't do those martyr mommy like things because I don't need your attention and approval in my mothering. What I do need is people I can relate to but as long as Martyr and Slacker are gonna be my choices, I'll sit my booty right here, in the middle.

The list goes on and on. 

Fandoms? I do NOT know each and every stat of an actor nor do I watch everything they do, say, breathe, live on their every word but I do LIKE things and can say I am a fan.  I DID just order a $250 cosplay costume so I can pretend to be a mother confessor, but when I see people on Twitter wishing the cast of Stargate a Happy Birthday I'm like, dude, I can barely remember my own birthday some days. 

Running? I'm not fast by a long shot and I'll run any race. I don't quite fit in with the people that run every day, have 15 pairs of shoes, spend BOOKOO bucks on training teams, gear, etc. but I'm also not the people that just do it while it's trendy and quit. I'll run treadmill, track or road and still like diet soda.

Scout leading? I don't live and breathe scouts, I actually find it INSANE that there are adult awards (I mean really? who are you doing this for if you need ADULT awards) but I don't just do the minimum either and my girls have a nice time at every meeting. 

Politics? Simple, I hate Republicans AND Democrats. I want to government to provide education, defense, road and health care. I want to government to STAY OUT OF EVERYTHING ELSE and stop giving out things to people who are not contributing to society. I think women and men are equal in the political spectrum, or should be, and that gays should be allowed to marry. And you know what? The day we STOP asking a candidate about their religion and STOP obsessing over their skin color or private parts as a measure of how they will do their job, then maybe we'll be on to something. 

My point is this…we can talk about progressing all we want to but we are obsessed, still, with categorizing, driving everyone into a hole but what about those of us that don't fit into your paradigm? What are WE supposed to do? I know I'm not alone, I can't be.

 I'm not that interesting. 




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