How to Retool Your Bucket List

How to Retool Your Bucket List

Subtitle: Ok, so this is more like my new list and LESS of a how to, but you get the idea. 

Enjoy. 

1. Finish Surprise Package and begin to make sense of the notes I have for original works. If you have no idea what I am talking about it is a Stargate Fan Fiction where I am trying my hand as a writer. There are two ways to find it: 

Here on Blogger - roughers versions - more sap less action: http://danieldeservedahappyending.blogspot.com

And on FanFic.net - fewer stories - action versions: 

http://www.fanfiction.net/~ladiosabri 

2. Get a PhD - I am thinking education instead of history. Yea, I WANT to be Daniel Jackson, but realistically speaking there is no Stargate and no real future in that here. I was meant to be a teacher, so I think that is where I am steering. 

3. Bungee Jump - Honestly, I am still a little undecided on this but I wanted 10. I'm not scared, but I am not terribly pumped about it either, so would appreciate comments. 

4. Purchase and drive a VW Beetle (classic not new) - This is WAY harder than I thought. I cannot find one anywhere! I'm not kidding, if you are in the states and are selling, I am LEGIT buying. 

5. Go on a Ghost Hunt - I found one near Gettysburg, PA but for the hype and cost Imma thinking that if I DO indeed see a Civil War General that he was probably purchased from the SyFy channel (after all, they don't need special effects anymore, all they show is wrestling). 

6. Go to a church service where they speak in tongues. (not to tease AT ALL just really fascinated). I have seen people moved by the spirit but just never in this way. I'm curious. Just call me Daniel. 

7. Complete El Camino de Santiago. I've got nothing funny. This means a lot to me. 

http://www.santiago-compostela.net

8. Attend Mardi Gras. How very Addy-like of me :P

9. Visit a rainforest (Preferably El Yunque) . I'm not picky, I have just heard nice things about Puerto Rico and as a Spanish teacher, well, I'm biased. 

10. Visit the new 7 Wonders of the World plus a few others:  (I'm leaving out the ones I have been to already) 

                  a. The Pyramids at Giza

                  b. Stonehenge  <----------------------- LONDON 2013 with the SHANKSTERS!

                  c. The Grand Canyon

                  d. Taj Mahal

                  e. Christ the Redeemer

                  f. Great Wall of China

                  g. Macchu Picchu

                  h. Petra

                  i. Easter Island

                  j. Athens as a whole

                  k. Eiffel Tower

               

Not too funny today, but that shall return! Still recovering from serious illness so I will try to most Thursday but if not, have a happy new year and I will be back ASAP!

                 

How to Kiss Your Ass Goodbye

How to Kiss Your Ass Goodbye

Subtitle: Honestly, I'm not sure what I will miss more, the Earth itself OR being able to use the End of the World as an excuse for my behavior. 

Indy Zombie

Bri/Addy Zombie 

A list of the top ten things I got my husband agree to this year "just in case" we were in our last days. (And a few just mean things I did with the power of the gag)

#10: It let me make fun of my students. Not that I don't do that anyway, but the fact that this all started when some kid told me that I HAD to believe in this because I was a Spanish teacher just made it all that much more fun. 

Students: Do you believe in the Mayan calendar?

Me: Yep

Students: Really?

Me: Yep (kids get nervous)

Students: Sra., what did the Mayans say we should do??

Me: Buy Twinkies (pause) *laugh hysterically*

Stduents: That's not funny Sra. We BELIEVE what you say!!!

#9: The Thriller. Since this was going to be my last birthday, I got Hot Roommate to agree to take me to the theme park, dressed in Zombie garb, covered in fake blood, on my birthday, to learn to dance the Thriller. It's surprisingly easy. Hot Roommate said normal women like to go to fancy restaurants and get jewelry. I got to play a zombie and got a piercing. :) Win. 

#8: I got to ride every ride at King's Dominion. And not alone. There were some things, i.e. the Dominator (that people have BLACKED OUT) and the DropZone (that some chic got her legs cut off in Ohio). I took Hot Roommate with me. He rode EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING. And not only that but he held my hand while the rides were ascending and I was in some cases crying. All in the name of the End of the World. 

#7: Hank. No, this is more for my husband than anything, but we bought a REALLY BIG TRUCK that we named after Hank McCoy (the Beast from X-men) for no reason. HIS reason(s)?? For one, if the world ends, we won't have to pay for it anyway. Secondly, it will hold up really well in the Zombie Apocalypse as long as we have gas to siphon. 

Hardened Zombie Killer 

Point for husband. 

#6 DisneyWorld. I am NOT a fan. I like Disney movies, just not mobs of obnoxious people paying more money than they should for something that was probably made in a sweat shop, but I digress... In the interest of my children, and my desire to give them some fun memories before they become hardened Zombie Killers, I braved DisneyWorld and learned some value lessons that you can find HERE. 

If you have not read this entry and are short on time, I will recap. 

Stay at the Polynesian. 

#5 Making Friends with Strange Foreign people. Evidently, I'm not the only person on the planet in love with a fictional space archaeologist. I decided to give Twitter a second chance and met some cool ass people. This is AFTER Hot Roommate warned me of the dangers of strange Canadians (confused?? see THIS entry) but I didn't listen to him. I made friends. Got a passport. Mailed presents. Got presents. And if we survive tomorrow, I'm meeting up with said crazy folk to group jump Mr. Canadian Hot Pants next summer. Watch out sexy...we're coming...

#4 Tattoos. I've always tattoos, but using the Mayan Calendar as my excuse, I upped my two tats at the start of 2012 to seven, the most important of which are Athena & Dionysus.  After all, when the Zombies do get me and I'm sent to the Underworld and meet up with Aeacus, Rhadamanthus and King Minos that I can just flash my wrists and be like, look, I'm in good with TWO of the big man's kids...

Owl of Athena 

Zombie Jello 

#3: Convert the Christmas Party to an End of the World Party. No cute sweaters and carols over here. The only Carol you are getting is running from Zombies, and Twinkies, Ramen and Chef Boyardee are at the top of the menu. We are having a champagne toast at midnight when we survive. The decor will be Mayan and Zombie. There will be shenanigans. 

#2: Piercings! When 2012 started, I had five piercings. I now have twelve. And EVERY pre-piercing conversation went like this. 

Me: Honey, I'm going to get _______ pierced. 

Hot Roommate: No

Me: Yes, it's my body. 

Hot Roommate: That I have to look at. 

Me: Please (pouts like girls I hate but he can't say no to)

Hot Roommate: Why?

Me: Because if the world ends, I will never know what it was like to have a ________ piercing. 

I repeat. I now have TWELVE. :P

See my tongue LOL??

#1: ChiCon!!! Yes, using the End of the World as my justification I got my husband to drive FOURTEEN hours on our WEDDING ANNIVERSARY for me to HUG ANOTHER MAN. 

It went down like this: 

Me: AHHHH!!!! Michael Shanks is doing a US CONVENTION. 

Hot Roommate: Oh god, of course he is. Where?

Me: Chicago.

Hot Roommate: That's too far...

Me: No, it's about as far as going to see your family. 

Hot Roommate: When is it?

Me: Our Anniversary....

Hot Roommate: Brianne....

Me: PLEASE. What if the world ends and I never got to hug Daniel Jackson???

Daniel Jackson, wait, I mean Michael Shanks :P 

Guess who I hugged????

Daniel Jackson

MWAHAHAHAHA

P.S. Remember how Monday was supposed to be about how to get in if you are headed our way once the world ends???

I'm gonna keep it simple:

Don't be a selfish asshat and bring food and wine. 

See you there...

How to Run a Half Marathon

How to Run a Half Marathon

Subtitle: You don’t have to look very far for him here. He’s is step one. As he should be. 

39 days left but I am not worried. I can use a sword AND outrun the fudgers. Bring on the zombies. 

Step 1: Change your stars. Turn 30, fall to pieces, get addicted to a Sci-Fi TV show you over looked in college and grad school because you were taking a silly amount of credit hours each semester and fall in love with a fictional character not because he is hot, although you realize about season five as they are killing him off that he is like Apollo/Adonis hot - how did I MISS THAT, but because he never gives up. Thank you Daniel, for everything. 

Step 2: Pick a race. Ok, so I bitch about Virginia and threaten to move to Canada, Spain, Miami and Mexico, but in reality I have a passionate love affair with Richmond. I have to say that having done a few races here now, this is the FRIENDLIEST place to run on the planet, maybe even the universe. (Not that I have gated anywhere to know yet... :p) So, yes, I’m probably not going anywhere, so you might as well come here. I’ll meet you at the party stop. 

Step 3: Commit in ink. Sure, the damn race costs $75-$100 and you would THINK that is enough, but really, if you freak out enough you can back out of anything and convince yourself that the costs can be made up by not eating out a few nights or something. You need something a bit more, well, permanent. I suggest a tattoo. Because nothing says commitment like ink that will never go away. Oh, and if you were wondering, I went with a runner on my left outside ankle. Not a mustache and goatee.... (I’m STILL not over that comment LOL). 

Step 4: Start training. No jokes here, I went to marathonrookie.com and printed a race plan that matched the number of weeks I had to commit to this. That’s IT.  Nothing against those who chose to pay $200+ for the training teams, but like Greek Life in college, I don’t pay for stuff I can get for free. Sorry. 

Step 5: Get encouragement, because let’s face it, you’re like the only person you know doing this and there is no one to run with you. Enlist EVERY human being you can. Recruit your twitter army to send Daniel Jackson pictures to you every time you go on a long run. Recruit your Facebook friends to post wall messages throughout the entire process. Have your spouse run your put crew to bring you water and flashlights when the sun goes down as you are 5/6 of the way through your double digit Saturday runs. Get people to write well wishes on your virtual wall, send you messages that you will carry in your bottle. Get your students and family to sign your technical shirt.  Mail your last race shirt to LONDON so your friend can tell Michael Shanks what you are doing so he can sign the shirt, give you a message and take the time to give a shit which makes you cry. You need each and everyone one of these people. TRUST ME. Because this is NOT EASY.

Step 6: Have the most AWESOME in-laws in the FRAKKIN’ world. In-laws that get you a hotel room at the Jefferson, the POSHEST hotel in Richmond (I LOVE YOU MARY) and then have same said awesome in-laws take you to the Tobacco Company for the Race Day special (which I kid you NOT was the biggest piece of Chicken Parm I have EVER seen in my ENTIRE life). You need this too, you need a good place to sleep close to the start and a full tummy. Rest well. Tomorrow is a big day. 

Step 7: Wake up early. Get dressed, attach your number, listen to Hot Roommate chew out room service because your protein shake is late, hug Adorable Nerd and Fashionista in Training, race downstairs, take coffee from the AWESOME hotel staff who have it ready and waiting for anyone with a race number and walk a mile to the starting line.  Meet up with other runners, chat it up, calm your nerves, tweet like there is no tomorrow.  Oh my Athena we’re moving. Headphones it. Marathon playlist on. Starting Tweet prepped. Imma make you my bitch. 

Step 8: Run like the wind. Holy cow this is soo cool! Like the 10K was cool but this is the SHIT. Notice everything because, since we are in Richmond after all, there be crazy mess. First, I’d like someone to explains the tutus to me because I have run like 8 races in the past year and every time someone is wearing tutu and I am so confused. Note that your former Grad School (Go University of Richmond SPIDERS!) now has a Quidditch team (because of course there was no cool shit like that when I was there). Stop at every water station, you get more thirsty than you would imagine. Slap EVERY child’s hand you pass, EVERY, because it is 8 am and they are up in coats outside to cheer you on. Oh, and DON’T take the gel at mile 8. That is NASTY, like super nasty. Like, I wish I could puke that up nasty but I have to keep running. Instead, wait till you get to VCU frat row. Like the 10K they are giving out beer and people are REALLY taking it! TAKE THE BEER!!! YES, I KNOW it is only step 8, but TAKE THE BEER. 

Step 9: Push through the pain. About mile 11 all of a sudden your left buttock decides that it no longer wants to be part of your body no matter the amount of negotiating that you’re doing with it. Seriously ass?! My KNEES are what the doctors have been worrying about and today YOU decide to give me problems. Tweet for help, help will come and keep pushing. Keep pushing. Keep pushing. JUST KEEP PUSHING.

Step 10: There it is and it’s okay to cry. The music around you is finally louder than the music in your headphones, there is a big banner at the end of the hill and there’s your family and you’re tweeting the finish and everyone is telling you to run like hell and as if your friends are psychic text messages start flying in; the announcer is calling that you’ve made it, you’ve finished, run, run, run and cry. Fall into Hot Roommate’s arms (not mine though) and cry. Because you changed your stars. Thank you Daniel Jackson. Thank you Michael Shanks. Thank you Jack(Hot Roommate). Thank you Mom. Thank you kiddos. Thank you to my friends. Thank you to my students. Thank you everyone. YOU have made this possible. YOU helped me conquer it all. 

Forget the wine. I am going to get UV Chocolate Cake Vodka. 

Bottom’s up! 

How to Change Your Stars

How to Change Your Stars

Subtitle: I didn’t like me. At all. So guess what? I did something about it. 

This entry is a little more serious and in homage to my anniversary this summer. One year ago, on July 17th 2011, I decided to change my stars. Here’s how and why I did. 

Step 1: The deterioration.  It will happen to everyone. Everyone.  There is no one root cause but mine was quiet simple: I got comfortable.  I had Hot Roommate after three stupid years of NOT letting myself be attracted to him and finally admitting everything to him because of my good friend José. I had a cute little house in the country that was super pretty despite the insanity of building it myself. I had two little perfect demons that were happily driving me insane. Ok, you whiney brat, if you were so damn happy that we are about ready to click off of this blog, what in the heck is wrong with you?!?! I stopped caring about me. Which was stupid, because she’s kinda important. To you know, the three things (4 if you separate the demons above).  Read on...

Step 2: The realization. Ok, if we read the 10K entry you know part one of this story already.  Let’s recap, Clare was little, she thought I was a man because I was fat and dressed like one.  She even said she had two daddies.  Ouch.  I don’t have a problem with two daddies, that just wasn’t the look I was going for. Then, there is the fact that Hot Roommate laughed at the idea of me running. At all. Or finishing anything for that matter.  What!?! I used to be THE go to girl to get things done and now I’m the half-ass person who just exists? And my own husband thinks so? Oh hell no! 

Step 3: The motivation. Next, you need to throw fit, scream at everyone using a plethora of profanity in a variety of languages and lock yourself in your bedroom with your computer. Turn on your computer, plug in your headphones and cue up some cinema on Netflix.  Watch Star Wars first and cry, because when you were a child Princess Leia was your hero.  Fat, unmotivated, depressed chicks can’t be Princess Leia.  Upset, flip over to Legend of the Seeker.  Have same reaction watching Cara and Kahlan. Get mad, change program again.  Finally watch that Stargate show you missed while in grad school your friends keep telling you to watch. Watch about 30 mins of first episode. And fall completely and totally in love.  

Step 4: The situation. Shut off the computer.  What happened to you? If things like the Stargate really existed, you really were cool enough, smart enough, everything enough to be a part of something like that (and get that PERFECT MAN - hell, you got Hot Roommate who is awesome and even he thinks you’ve turned into a monster).  Go look in the mirror. Realize you are huge, have a constant frown on your face, and dark circles because you don’t sleep, you just lay around feeling sorry for yourself. That’s not you.  In fact, I have no idea who in the hell you are girl, but you’ve got to go. Now. 

Step 5: The transformation.  Now, keep it all inside until you find the right person to break to. Otherwise, you just end up blubbering like a drunken fool (perhaps drunk indeed) to anyone and everyone and no one will take you seriously. I recommend breaking-down to a professional. It might be a shrink, but for me it was my Ob-Gyn.  She let me sit there, blubber like an idiot and then handed me a folder.  I am not sure the name on it anymore, but I know it was politically correct way of saying “How to not be a Fat Ass Anymore and Actually not Die of Type 2 Diabetes,” or something along those lines.  There was no explanation, just a “Look, I know you are a smart person. Read this. Call me if you have any questions. I’m glad you’ve decided to do this.” 

Step 6: The frustration. Ok, I’m not gonna to lie.  Running hurts.  Lifting weights hurts.  Eating right is killer.  Don’t give up.  You’re gonna sprain ankles while leaping over furniture like a gazelle and have to have the cute Redneck ambulance drivers carrying you down the stairs in the skimpiest workout clothes ever because you were working out before the kids got up and oh yeah, they’re up now, on the phone with 911 talking about how clumsy you are.  You’re husband will get promoted and leave you with the children 24/7 so you have to improvise like crazy and ride your bike while lifting weights at the same time so you don’t lose workout time.  It’s gonna to be frustrating.  Don’t give up.  

Step 7: The dedication. Get right back up after each of these.  So, you go 21 days without running? Lift weights until you can and start running as soon as you are allowed.  Now, you’re not gonna run miles right off the bat, but be dedicated enough to work your way back up.  Don’t listen to naysayers.  I’ve been told, well you don’t run that fast or it’s not like you’re a REAL athlete.  These people are asshats and they are just jealous that YOU don’t hate your life anymore.  Let them keep hating theirs.  You just keep going and do what you gotta do to succeed.  

Step 8: The destination. Ok, this is not even about meeting Michael Shanks anymore. (Although words cannot describe how excited I am to be able to just touch this man!!!) It’s about realizing that I can finally do anything I set my mind to, even if it is something as crazy as meeting your celebrity crush.  Riding everything at the local theme park that you were ever afraid of.  Trying Hot Yoga. Belly Dancing in front of a crowd.  Writing a story, a novel, a blog.  Putting yourself out there. Because remember, you were pretty cool. And you still are.  

Step 9: The dispensation.  For this to truly work you don’t just going flouncing around bragging.  I get a lot of compliments and the first thing I say is “Thanks, but anyone can do it if I did.  Just let me know, I’m happy to share.” And be there for those people when they hit steps 5-7.  Be there when they tell you what THEIR step 8 is and don’t laugh (cuz come on YOURS is to HUG Michael Shanks, does it get sillier?? I thought not). Be supportive and caring and don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. 

Step 10: The celebration. Wine time!! Hey, wanna know the best part of this? It takes less wine to be happy when you are smaller.  So you can either save the money or buy more expensive wine. But drink up and drink well! You deserve it.  

Happy Anniversary! And if YOU ;) are reading: I’m not one of the crazies, I just wanted to thank you for helping me change my stars even though you weren’t even aware that you did.

How to Live Life to the Fullest

How to Live Life to the Fullest

Subtitle: You get one shot at this, one.  Don’t blow it. 

Step 1: Accept your mortality. You will die.  Maybe even on December 21st 2012, hence the reason for my bucket list. (In fact, there is a tiny part of me that is worried there will not be a 2013 because Dick Clark is not going to be there with us to ring it in..... not meant to be funny, I am really concerned about this... stop making fun of me...)  But, even if the Mayans are wrong, you’re still going to die some day whether it be in your sleep at age 95 or in a car next Tuesday.  This sounds morbid, but you need to accept this in order to move on.  You will die. Carry on.  

Step 2: Screw mortality. You’re gonna die, so what? Now, you can sit around and worry about when, where, how you are going to die, take those stupid Facebook quizzes that tell you these specifics, visit the doctor every time you damn cough to make sure you are not getting the cancer, but when it’s your time, it’s your time.  Chill the hell out! You need to wake up and realize that you might indeed die tomorrow and do you want a list of regrets! Hell no! So, if you want to get a tattoo, do it!!! You want to go bungee jumping? Do it!! You want to run away to Toronto to throw yourself at Michael Shanks? Dammit, my husband took the spark plugs out of my car!!! ARGH!!!

Step 3: Accept others. People come in all different shapes, sizes and colors and that doesn’t matter. At all!! I mean, how frikkin boring would it be to hang out with people just like you.  And furthermore, while I am on a rant, who do you think you are? Who died and left you morally superior than the rest of us? Here I am, accepting the fact that you are probably the asshat who drove in front of me doing like 10 miles under the speed limit and stopped at every road while I was trying to get home to pee.  And yet, I did not run you off the road and leave you for dead, I accepted that you cannot drive and should not be allowed to be in public and moved on with my life. (Well, that, and I need to save my bail money for if I get those spark plugs back.... kidding you guys, kidding...) 

Step 4: Screw others. Stop worrying about what the hell other people think of you! This is worse than man-needy (see post on 4/17/12), that is people needy.  Most people are so insecure about themselves that that LIVE to tear down others to make themselves feel better.  You need to stop worrying about what others are thinking about you and start worrying about what makes you happy.  Even if it is running insane amounts each week, writing Mary Sue fan fic so you can marry Daniel Jackson, blogging about your weird life, taking your kids on crazy adventures, or watching bad reality TV with your husband just to make fun of society together:  stop worrying about what they think!! Chances are, they’re just damn jealous of you for being happy anyway.  

Step 5: Accept the world we live in.  This is hard, especially for my fellow Sci-Fi geeks, who are always looking to the stars.  However, the reality my friends is this: Our government and the government of most of the countries on the planet is run by idiots who have no desire to advance our technology to let us leave this world and explore the universe.  So, unless the Vulcans are planning on making first contact any time soon, this is what we got.  

Step 6: Screw the world we live in. Yeah, screw it! Or at least fix it.  Don’t sit on your butt complaining all of the time about how bad it is and how everyone has screwed it up when you can flip the bird to the entire place and go and do what you want. Or better yet, let’s TAKE OVER.  Since you are reading my blog I am assuming you are intelligent since stupid people will not get my jokes.  Then YOU run for office, or take over the school system, or start a rally, or what have you!  Screw the ordinary! We spend so much time just letting people walk all over us or letting bad things happen.  We need to take the world into our own hands!!!! (Wait, did I just start a Revolution here? Screw It! Chant with me now! Screw It! Screw It! This is cool, can I be some influential yet useless figurehead if we win?? Please?? Can we invade Canada and steal Michael Shanks so I can have him while we are at it?? Thanks, this is why I love you guys) 

Step 7: Accept your fate. This is a toughie because some people are just born into a better situation than others. But, unless a phone booth with George Carlin plops down in your yard (please someone get that movie reference) you aint gonna change a damn thing.  I may act yuppy and educated, but deep down inside I’m a redneck, a big ‘ole Southern girl who slips into her drawl when she hears others and (ok Bri, acceptance is the first step to recovery, admit it...) knows the words to every Garth Brooks song. I can try to hide it with tattoos, fancy wine and a high class education, but I kinda think that driving a Jeep in the mud is cool and that moonshine is the nectar of Mt. Olympus.  

Step 8: Screw fate. Ok, so what? I’m a country girl, southern born and bred.  That’s not gonna stop me from doing amazing things and it shouldn’t stop you. We may be a product of our birthplace and upbringing but we are also internally driven and motivated to be something more.  Not sure what that is yet? Let me give you a push. Go bust your retina.  It’ll put you on bed rest and limited activity for months and send you over the edge.  When you get back, you may decide you need to be in shape again, have an obsession for a cancelled TV show, get the idea to write a novel and what have you, but it gives you direction.  Or maybe a shrink.  They probably costs less and that involves less bleeding. 

Step 9: Accept life. You’ve got one baby, just one.  Even if your religious system tells you that after this you’ll have eternal life or will be reborn, you are only here once as who you are right now. The sooner you accept that, the faster you can start having fun and going down your bucket list.  I am attaching my two, one for in case the Mayans were right and the other for life in general to this posting for your viewing pleasure.  Feel free to comment.  Because once you start living like this day might be your last, then you actually are living and not existing. 

Step 10: Drink Wine.  Lots of Wine.  I would normally say Spanish but hey, French is good. As is Italian. Hell, its all really good. Or moonshine. We can go with that now too, just in case tomorrow is it.  

At popular request, here is the bucket list via Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/ladiosa4/the-bucket-list/