How to Salvage Christmas

How to Salvage Christmas

Subtitle: Holy shit Christmas is tomorrow and I have spent my entire month thinking the world was ending and preparing for that so DAMN YOU MAYANS YOU SCREWED ME OVER.

I'm better now. 

No, really, I don't think I'm gonna have any midnight surprises. 

Athena willing...

Step 1: Make a list. I cannot stress the importance of this because those crafty little Christmas merchandisers KNOW that you'll be frantic and just buy stuff so they stash it on your entire walk to the register. Make this list BEFORE you leave home. Yes honey, I made a list. Well, I needed a new nose ring. And those socks. And that bag of candy. You can't get cookie sheets that cheap year round....oh dammit just stop.

Step 2: Call your best friend. Trust me, you can't do this alone, in fact, you'll need to call this friend if for no other reason than to have someone to laugh at people with. I mean honestly, when you're getting out of your car at the mall and people are riding around yelling "Bitch, get yo azz in da car!" only to go into the mall itself to see that every parent who has an over-sugared disturbed child is letting them run loose around the mall, you will need another soul with which to lament that the Mayans were wrong. 

Step 3: Coffee. Just as important as the wine in your life should be the coffee this holiday season and since you can't drink and shop, mall food is nasty and for some reason that you will NEVER understand malls in the good 'ole US of A ONLY carry Pepsi products. Nothing against Pepsi, but really EVERY SINGLE THING in the food court, everything is a Pepsi product? What happened to choice? Ok, well, the good thing is that coffee is hard to screw up and the caffeine high makes up for you having to be with these crazy idiots who are hanging out at the mall without bags because they are just HERE and not shopping. 

DAMN YOU MAYANS!!! I WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER PREPARED!!!

Oh, Pseudo-Brother thank you. Yes, one cream, two sugars. 

Just like Daniel Jackson.

Think Daniel Jackson. 

All better. 

Step 4: Don't eat the cookies. No, really, if you need a cookie THAT bad BUY IT FIRST. No joke, we were in Walmart, cutting through the grocery section to get back to automotive so I could buy Hot Roommate a stereo for his truck and there were OPENED cookies at the holiday cookie table, OPENED, and were not samples, they were eaten. People just opened the cookies and took to eating them. Triflin, just triflin. 

And I DEF wouldn't touch those cookies nasty person who is looking at the box with me reaching forward. 

On second thought, go ahead. 

Maybe someone put the plague in those cookies. 

Step 5: Remember that to buy something people like and not hipster bullshit you needed to plan ahead. Like NOT the day before ahead. All I wanted was to get my son an earring. Yes, he has a pierced ear and he wanted a little thing like a skull and maybe some super hero logos. BUT NOOOOO. Boys earrings consisted of ONE thing and ONE thing ALONE - LARGE FAKE DIAMONDS.  My son does not want to look like a gangster, he wants to look like a little kid with an earring, but when I ask you for a skull you start to tell me WHAT boys are wearing. Let me lay this out for you idiot since you aren't getting it.  I'm standing here wearing pretty & preppy Express brand clothes with FOUR facial piercings and more earrings in my right ear than one human should have. I quite obviously am NOT caring what EVERYONE is doing. Show me to the damn skulls. 

Step 6: Don't shop at places call Italian Jewelry. See, I think that was my mistake with Step 5 because the cute little punky girl at Claire's helped me right away. The fact it was CALLED Italian jewelry and had the TACKIEST shit on the planet on display right by their sign SHOULD have clued me in, well, it DID clue me in, but I went anyway. Asked about a skull or bone earring. Guy looked at me funny and showed my stupid fake diamonds.  I switched to Spanish because he was pissing me off and acting like he didn't speak English and IF he was Italian he WOULD understand me (I spoke Spanish in Italy and got along JUST fine). He said "I understood you, people don't like skulls." 

Well I DO ASSHAT. 

Me to Pseudo - brother: Why can we NEVER have a normal shopping experience?
Pseudo-brother to me: (Shrugs) Fate.

Step 7: Don't price compare, ever, because if you're waiting till NOW to shop, well, you just need to buy what you want when you see it and stop stressing. If you don't you'll either go to five stores, remember that either store number one or store number two had it cheapest, go back there and it's gone OR you'll be tired, annoyed at fake Italian jewelry salesman, only to see that the perfume place has the Obsession your sister wanted cheaper than the department store but the line is hanging out and you're too close to that damn jewelry store and you might just start swearing at those stupid asshats in a third language. Just go home. 

Step 8: Get the futon out of my van. I really have to stop doing people favors. Part of the damn reason that I've dragged Pseudo-Brother to the mall tonight is simply because he has the bikes that Santa is bringing the kids that he has been hiding in his living room for a month and now I can't get the damn things in because I have a futon in my van that does not belong to me.  So here we are, in a dark parking lot, where people are riding around swearing (Really what has happened to this mall!?!) trying to quickly transport two bikes from one car to another. 

This does NOT look kosher.

And as my friends know I'm already on the outs with the law. 

Hurry dammit, here comes mall security. 

Step 9: Get home. Seriously, I'm laughing so hard at how ridiculous all of this was and I've only been out for two hours. TWO HOURS. In two hours I've managed to: 

1. Impulse buy about $50 of shit I don't need. 

2. See people just a' openin' and a' eatin' cookies without paying like you are just supposed to. 

3. Almost get hit by THREE cars. 

4. Been given a fashion "lesson" by sleazy fake Italians. 

5. Almost punched said fake Italians for their smart mouth. 

6. Paid too much money for already overpriced perfume. 

7. Managed to get stared at like I was stealing bikes. 

Just. Go. Home. 

Or stop for more coffee. 

One cream, two sugars. 

Daniel. 

With Daniel.

Better. 

Step 10: Drink. I drank all of the moonshine. Damn Mayans. All I have left is wine in a box which I bought because I figured, hey, why not, the world is ending, might as well buy wine in a box and NO ONE DRANK IT. Seems I've established a standard of drinking in my household. Excellent. Well, I've got that and I think there might be some daiquiri in the freezer. Might as well! 

Cheers everyone! Have an AWESOME Christmas. 

I'll see you on Kujichagulia - sound it out phonetically, TRUST ME..... XD 

How to Kiss Your Ass Goodbye

How to Kiss Your Ass Goodbye

Subtitle: Honestly, I'm not sure what I will miss more, the Earth itself OR being able to use the End of the World as an excuse for my behavior. 

Indy Zombie

Bri/Addy Zombie 

A list of the top ten things I got my husband agree to this year "just in case" we were in our last days. (And a few just mean things I did with the power of the gag)

#10: It let me make fun of my students. Not that I don't do that anyway, but the fact that this all started when some kid told me that I HAD to believe in this because I was a Spanish teacher just made it all that much more fun. 

Students: Do you believe in the Mayan calendar?

Me: Yep

Students: Really?

Me: Yep (kids get nervous)

Students: Sra., what did the Mayans say we should do??

Me: Buy Twinkies (pause) *laugh hysterically*

Stduents: That's not funny Sra. We BELIEVE what you say!!!

#9: The Thriller. Since this was going to be my last birthday, I got Hot Roommate to agree to take me to the theme park, dressed in Zombie garb, covered in fake blood, on my birthday, to learn to dance the Thriller. It's surprisingly easy. Hot Roommate said normal women like to go to fancy restaurants and get jewelry. I got to play a zombie and got a piercing. :) Win. 

#8: I got to ride every ride at King's Dominion. And not alone. There were some things, i.e. the Dominator (that people have BLACKED OUT) and the DropZone (that some chic got her legs cut off in Ohio). I took Hot Roommate with me. He rode EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING. And not only that but he held my hand while the rides were ascending and I was in some cases crying. All in the name of the End of the World. 

#7: Hank. No, this is more for my husband than anything, but we bought a REALLY BIG TRUCK that we named after Hank McCoy (the Beast from X-men) for no reason. HIS reason(s)?? For one, if the world ends, we won't have to pay for it anyway. Secondly, it will hold up really well in the Zombie Apocalypse as long as we have gas to siphon. 

Hardened Zombie Killer 

Point for husband. 

#6 DisneyWorld. I am NOT a fan. I like Disney movies, just not mobs of obnoxious people paying more money than they should for something that was probably made in a sweat shop, but I digress... In the interest of my children, and my desire to give them some fun memories before they become hardened Zombie Killers, I braved DisneyWorld and learned some value lessons that you can find HERE. 

If you have not read this entry and are short on time, I will recap. 

Stay at the Polynesian. 

#5 Making Friends with Strange Foreign people. Evidently, I'm not the only person on the planet in love with a fictional space archaeologist. I decided to give Twitter a second chance and met some cool ass people. This is AFTER Hot Roommate warned me of the dangers of strange Canadians (confused?? see THIS entry) but I didn't listen to him. I made friends. Got a passport. Mailed presents. Got presents. And if we survive tomorrow, I'm meeting up with said crazy folk to group jump Mr. Canadian Hot Pants next summer. Watch out sexy...we're coming...

#4 Tattoos. I've always tattoos, but using the Mayan Calendar as my excuse, I upped my two tats at the start of 2012 to seven, the most important of which are Athena & Dionysus.  After all, when the Zombies do get me and I'm sent to the Underworld and meet up with Aeacus, Rhadamanthus and King Minos that I can just flash my wrists and be like, look, I'm in good with TWO of the big man's kids...

Owl of Athena 

Zombie Jello 

#3: Convert the Christmas Party to an End of the World Party. No cute sweaters and carols over here. The only Carol you are getting is running from Zombies, and Twinkies, Ramen and Chef Boyardee are at the top of the menu. We are having a champagne toast at midnight when we survive. The decor will be Mayan and Zombie. There will be shenanigans. 

#2: Piercings! When 2012 started, I had five piercings. I now have twelve. And EVERY pre-piercing conversation went like this. 

Me: Honey, I'm going to get _______ pierced. 

Hot Roommate: No

Me: Yes, it's my body. 

Hot Roommate: That I have to look at. 

Me: Please (pouts like girls I hate but he can't say no to)

Hot Roommate: Why?

Me: Because if the world ends, I will never know what it was like to have a ________ piercing. 

I repeat. I now have TWELVE. :P

See my tongue LOL??

#1: ChiCon!!! Yes, using the End of the World as my justification I got my husband to drive FOURTEEN hours on our WEDDING ANNIVERSARY for me to HUG ANOTHER MAN. 

It went down like this: 

Me: AHHHH!!!! Michael Shanks is doing a US CONVENTION. 

Hot Roommate: Oh god, of course he is. Where?

Me: Chicago.

Hot Roommate: That's too far...

Me: No, it's about as far as going to see your family. 

Hot Roommate: When is it?

Me: Our Anniversary....

Hot Roommate: Brianne....

Me: PLEASE. What if the world ends and I never got to hug Daniel Jackson???

Daniel Jackson, wait, I mean Michael Shanks :P 

Guess who I hugged????

Daniel Jackson

MWAHAHAHAHA

P.S. Remember how Monday was supposed to be about how to get in if you are headed our way once the world ends???

I'm gonna keep it simple:

Don't be a selfish asshat and bring food and wine. 

See you there...

How NOT to be the cause of the end of the world

How NOT to be the cause of the end of the world

Subtitle: I legit almost lost it. For real. Here is how I didn’t. 

Step 1: Call Jodie. Ok, don’t call Jodie because the woman has other things to do than calm people down, but find a friend who has the ability to go days without sleep and call them. They will listen to you rant, try to understand and then send you insane things to make you feel better. 

Step 2: Watch dirty British comedies. Because when you are essentially told the educational equivalent of “you have six months to make it to the moon, here’s you Model T to do it in” you need to laugh and watching Eddie Izzard talk about God handing out sexual positions, or better yet, Michael McIntyre go nuts about his man drawer, you tend to be a little less....homicidal. 

Step 3: Try to take every stupid thing that happened in your meeting and make it a Stargate scenario. If you are a fan of Stargate and my OC Fan Fic Series Continuation Surprise Package here is a tid bit: 

Here was my synopsis: "Ad, ja-wer, my love, I need u to get to work on new Ancient dictionary" "Indy don't we have 1?" "Yea, but IOA wants another FOR NO REASON"

Here was my conversation with another fan fic writer friend of mine: 

There was more. Follow us. It was long and funny and amused me. Like most things do. 

Step 4: While you are at it write a Daniel & Addy sex scene, I mean why the hell not?? Open up a new pages file and have Adrienne relieve a little tension. Then get mad because you are in public and feel icky writing sex in Panera bread. So, wait until you get home to write this blog and find you already wrote a similar scene it and it is RIGHT here. 

Step 5: Get Wine. Yep, in step 5. Like the ENTIRE BOTTLE. You hopefully have closed the Panera bread, they close earlier than you thought, and now you are headed home and you need to stop for wine, not, and NOT Moscato because what is that my friends??? (If you forgot see here) and take it home and pour. 

Step 6: Get ice cream and rum, or, more like get your significant other to bring it home because you are well into your bottle of ruche and there is no way that you can stand let alone, get Ben & Jerry’s hunny....Chunkee Munkee...iz yummy....and Malibu rum....yeah...

Step 7: The gym is open till midnight...SHIT! How many calories are in that?!?! Take me to the gym. Serilsuly...I’m not drunk...Imma gunna lift weights....here...hold that....

On the floor

NOT doing sit ups

Doesn’t laughing count. 

Step 8: Call Jodie drunk and sore and ask for more British comedy. If she is asleep, which she should be, you truly need to sleep more sweetie, I care and worry, just search for Rhod Gilbert. Because nothing, truly, in funnier than watching him try to understand a $200 toothbrush. 

Step 9: Take solace in the fact that the world is gonna end next week and you are too drunk right now to buy a bomb and be the cause of it. I’m not even sure what I am typing anymore. Am I blogging? Am I writing Surprise Package? Am I grading? Is the meaning of life 42? 

Step 10: Pass out. Can somebody please put me to bed and forward this shit to MGM or whoever the fuck might find me creative or funny. Thanks. In the meantime I am going to dream that I am Addy and Daniel is nuzzling close to me.... (Didn’t think I’d get him in, didya?? Boo-yah) 

How to Know We Are in Our Last Days

How to Know We Are in Our Last Days

Subtitle: If you are not convinced yet, well, I should probably just leave you to the zombies. 

Miss the countdown?? It’s days now, days. I honestly cannot believe you are still playing online and not preparing. 

Sign #1: The weather. At this point I would like to remind everyone that I have a Master’s Degree in Ancient History and Culture (yes, yes, if you’re new to this crazy train you just thought well ding ding THAT explains the Daniel Jackson/Michael Shanks obsession - yes, it does, especially since I discovered who he was AFTER I got my degree and tats...). Now, we all know from the book of Revelation that shit’s gonna hit the fan and it really already has.  There have been earthquakes all over the place, snowstorms, hurricanes.  Legit, I’m waiting for the locusts. No Hot Roommate, that’s not funny. Stop throwing dead beetles at me. 

Sign #2: The Mayans. Let’s face it, everybody on the planet has been wrong in predicting crap except the Mayans. These great people are so frakkin’ smart that every single damn time they got it right. Here are some predictions that came true, including, but not limited to: 

1. The arrival of Hernan Cortes
2. 9/11
3. Hitler
4. The Black Hole in our galaxy
5. The birth of my second child
6. Daniel Jackson’s ascension 
7. The cancellation of SGU
8. The fact that Sophia would become a zombie thereby having to be killed by Rick at the end of season 2. 

You get the point. They’re some smart mothers. 

Sign #3 The Stores Know. No, I’m serious, because they’re doing little tiny things that are freaking me out. Party City in my area, for example, has “Mayan End of the World” party supplies but NO New Year’s and a limited Christmas Selection. The grocery store is stocking “End of the World Beer.” Everybody and their mama is pushing TV’s like mad, in Hot Roommate’s humble opinion so they can sell everything off, make money and buy Twinkies before the zombies come...

Sign #4 And speaking of Twinkies, Hostess went out of business. Now, my friends, we can look at this from two different angles. We can see this from two angles. One - the collapse of an American Icon and the loss of many important jobs which is not what this recovering economy needs or Two - those little rich old white men that own Hostess know. They know this is the end. They have shut down operations to hold themselves up in a bunker like area with the ingredients and recipe to make the only foodstuff to survive last days...

Sign #5 The Media knows. Ok, so not only is there a show called Doomsday Preppers (which is HILARIOUS and TERRIFYING at the same time) but the makers of this show that film and assess the preparedness of these people TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY. Like 100%. And these people are not prepping for the December 21st end of the world where the zombies are coming, they each have their own take on what is going down. Here are just a few:

• 5 category 5 tornados hitting all at once in the SAME damn place 
• The Madrid Fault splitting the USA in half
• Nuclear war, not with the Middle East but with RUSSIA 
• Rise in sea level (sudden mind you, not gradual)
• Pretty much any Michael Shanks disaster film

And show aside, the commercials are for prepping supplies - seeds, food that will survive last days, oxygen masks and they’re are serious too. 

This is the proof that Saturday Night Live sucks now. They could do an ENTIRE episode spoofing both the preppers AND the commercials. But they don’t. They do weird hipster shit that’s not funny. 

Someone call Will Ferrell 

Sign #6 Obama. I’m gonna offend people here, but please remember that I live in the South. Some people here still think there’s a war going on. On November 6th 2012 we re-elected Barack Obama as our president. This is not political. This is racial. He is a black man. We have elected a black man TWICE to lead our country. The night he won like ALL of my black friends called me and said, and I quote: 

“Bri, you better be setting up for us to come to your place on the 21st. We’ve elected a black man president. Twice. We are in our last days. You better settle up with the Lord soon.” 

I tend to listen to them. A lot. I’m a little concerned...

Sign #7 The South shall rise again! So, then, the VERY next day states starting trying to secede from the Union. South Carolina did first, of course, again, but they’re been pulling that shit since 1787 but if you want to get technical 1776 because they never wanted to be in the Union in the first place. Let them leave. I’m not sure why they are still here anyway. But rational states petitioned, like New York, citing Obama’s reelection. WTF!?!  Romney wanted to cut FEMA!!! Who is currently helping you dig out from Sandy. And furthermore, let’s put politics aside, go ahead, leave. See how much you get done without the government. We won’t let you back in. And have a good time dealing with China on your own. Except for Texas. You need to stay. You’ve got that Twinkie bunker. 

Sign #8 Towel Hoarding. If you have not read the Black Friday blog please see this: Click Here.  We went out for our innocent Black Friday shopping to get bikes and TVs and noted that almost every store had towels for sale. Thinking this to be a perfect opportunity to stock up on some home essentials we set out for the towel area, which were clearly marked on the store map which should have been a hint in and of itself, we made our way over to said bins. And they were GONE. ALL of them. At 8:07...SEVEN minutes after the start. Befuddled, we proceeded to the register, wondering how in the world we missed the memo on necessary towel looting when we caught sight of a cart with ALL of the towels. You don’t NEED that many towels!! Why do you have them!?! Unless...wait...you know about last days....

Follow him...

Sign #9 Honey Boo Boo Child. First, the fact that an overweight poorly taken care of child in her pursuit of winning contests which only live to serve to objectify women is entertaining to anyone should be indicator enough, but this poor child and her disgusting mother make more than the following necessary professions:

1. Teachers
2. Police Officers
3. Doctors
4. Fire Fighters
5. FILL IN JUST ABOUT ANY OTHER FRAKKIN THING IN LIFE WE ACTUALLY NEED

Secondly, and I cringe as I write this so this is all I am going to say on the topic: Fork Lift Toe. 

And if you enjoy this show, here is a link to the film Idiocracy. You need to watch it NOW. 

Sign #10 Dick Clark is NOT rocking in the New Year. He died and no jokes here, I cried. Dick Clark has been Rockin’ in our New Year’s Eves since 1974, (mine since 1980 :) ) which means that you too Mr. Canadian Hot Pants probably don’t remember a New Year’s without him! I just don’t think it is a coincidence that he died this year... I have nothing against Ryan Seacrest, I find him kind of charming, but I am incline to believe that without Dick Clark counting down we’re not going to make it that far...

See what I mean?? We only have 18 days....

I will be sending more information on Thursday. 

Honorable Mentions for Signs of Last Days: 

Michael Shanks says that Toronto winning a sports championship of any kind is a sign. (Don’t watch sports, trusting you on this one cutie)

Adriane says we are down to one Golden Girl.

Ryan says Disney owns Star Wars. 

Mary says that Pot is finally legal. 

Natalie cites the Pope is on Twitter. 

Get the idea... 

It’s ALL over...

How to Speak Brianne

How to Speak Brianne

Subtitle: Apparently I’m often misunderstood. So here’s your dictionary. 

There’s more than 10...so much for following a pattern, but I guess this is a necessary evil...

68 days, or as I would say, sesenta y ocho, really just one less day than a number I enjoy having fun with. Oh, what the hell, let's count today. 69!!! Interpret as you will...

Definition 1: Legit. Adverb. See, I have this problem with both adverbs that end in -ly and twitter, both of which have resulted in a problem I have with long words. I don’t use them, I just shorten them for my person convenience.  Ok, ok, I’ll make you a chart. 

Word	Bri Definition
legit	for real / truthfully
ridic	ridiculously, a large amount, really crazy
extrem	it’s extremely...are you getting it yet?? Twitter made me LAZY....

Definition 2: OMA & OMD. Exclamation. Ok, so I USED to say OMG (Oh My God) like EVERY other person on the planet.  However, then on day a lovely Christian soul (not that I have a problem with Christians, just hypocritical ones, well hypocritical ANYONE honestly) informed me that since I was NOT a Christian I could not use OMG. (Let’s forget completely about the third commandment TOTALLY here). So, as a pseudo-worshipper of the Greek Pantheon, I have decided to substitute to “God” for Athena and Dionysus, my patrons. It has NOTHING to do with Stargate (although I have nothing against Oma Desala). Also use OMZ, OMH & OMN as needed. 

Definition 3: Mr. Canadian Hot Pants. Proper Noun. This is my nickname I coined for the perfection that is Michael Shanks.  It went down like this. Hot Roommate got sick of hearing me talk about Shanks or Daniel and one day referred to him as “He who must not be named.” I calmly informed him that was Lord Voldemort, to which he replied, I don’t care who that is stop talking about how much you love him. So, I started with Mr. Canada, but that made him sound like he was running for some objectifying beauty pageant award. So one day while listening to my 1990’s Hip Hop I came upon an MC Hammer song in which he discussed Hot Pants. And how HAWT they were. And a nickname was born.  Abbrv. MCHP

Definition 4: Space Herpes. Noun. What Vala Mal Doran probably had and passed to Daniel Jackson in “Unending,” the episode that does not exist. Thank Athena for going back in time so Addy has no worries. He still deserves a thump in the head for even letting that happen so it had to be erased in the first place. And NO EXCUSES. She was NOT the last woman. Sam was there. And THAT would have been acceptable!!!

Definition 5: Y’all. Noun. Southern. Means you all. Used to address a large group of people. Used in a friendly context. IF you are not included in a y’all from me then I just don’t like you. Does not connote a lesser intelligence by its usage, in fact, most people I know that use it are quite intelligent 

Definition 6: Chica. Noun. Spanish. English translation girl. Related entries: homeslice, hun, mon ami, babe, et al. Term of endearment reserved for my girl friends. Basically, it works like this, if I call you chica then you are in my little circle of I give two shits that you exist. Don’t call you chica.....well....you can come to your own conclusions. Unless you are a dude, and then, you are, well, dude. (See Definition 16)

Definition 7: No lie. Phrase (I think, I mean what in the hell part of speech IS THAT??) See legit. This means it was the truth, no exaggerations, no edits, no changes made for comedic purposes. Can also be used in place of “I agree.” Basically, if I say no lie I am either defending the insanity coming out of my mouth OR agreeing with yours. 

Definition 8: Frakkin’. Expletive (I KNOW that part of speech....VERY VERY well). F-word alternative stolen from BattleStar Galactica.  Just more fun to say. Origin: While I want to run away to a foreign planet with Daniel Jackson forever, I secretly want to be StarBuck. Because she could have WHUPPED Vala’s ass. Cold. In like twenty seconds. No Lie ;P 

Definition 9: Asshat. Noun. Used to describe a person that is not quite an asshole, which would be an amazing nasty, mean or otherwise disagreeable person, but I am still kinda pissed at so they deserved a swear.  Not a literal hat to be worn on the ass, but if you can find a picture of one send it to me because the sheer notion of the existence of said item excites me about as much as truck nuts. 

Definition 10: Cool Beans. Adjective or Adverb or Phrase, I mean, are you really reading this entry anymore for some kind of english lesson. Pretty much cool beans is just another version of cool, like I am agree that what you said is fine, dandy and ok.  This may or may not mean I am overly enthusiastic about it, but I am not opposed. I also use this to appear cheerful and teacher like. 

Definition 11: No biggie. Phrase, I think. Let’s go with that. Means no big deal, that it’s ok, what ever asshattery that you or I have committed, it is completely forgivable. Prefer to use biggie rather than no big deal as my person homage to the master of rap Biggie Smalls (East Coast!) and maybe, just maybe, every time I use the term, the Notorious B.I.G. sends down good rap vibes from rap heaven to an aspiring artist. That, and like everything else, Twitter has made me too lazy to type. 

Definition 12: Rock. Exclamation. It’s like Cool Beans plus. Sometimes supplemented with a fist pump, hands in the air celebration of followed by the word “on” Used to express extreme happiness concerning a situation. Has nothing to do with masses of stone and everything to do with the feeling you get when exposed to a type of music that white people stole from black people and added a country twist to. If my comment to anything you say is rock, then it is good, I am excited and would most likely drive 14 hours for it ;P 

Definition 13: KK. No clue at all as to what the heck this is. Short for OK.  Not to be confused with the KKK (They be asshats that need a frakkin’ butt-whupping that I am happy to hand out). Differs from K, also short for OK, since that K usually is an answer given in tweet/text that is nicely saying f-off I am done talking to you. KK means like okay with a smily or bitch I got the point, stop asking.  May be used with capital or lower case letters. 

Definition 14: Gracias. Spanish. Means thank you. If you did not know this you are probably reading the wrong blog. 

Definition 15: Sweet Dionysus. Exclamation. See also OMA (# 2). Dionysus was the greek god of the grape, grape harvest, wine making, ritual madness and ecstasy, or for those who prefer the common tongue: Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll. This expression is used when something so great happens that really, only wine can suffice. Spanish. Which to be honest, is often...