How to Blow Up a Twitter Feed

How to Blow Up a Twitter Feed 

Subtitle: I follow so many Stargate people on social media you would have thought that today they announced last days. 

Then again, things have gone too well this week...

Maybe...

I really wasn't paying too much attention to this today as I spent most of the day trying to change the ringer on my Skype work phone because last year that shit haunted my dreams. Oh, and my GRE scores came in so I was a tad preoccupied obsessing over my grad school apps but between my social media exploding and my local friends all texting me about the possibility of a new Stargate movie, I figured I had to weigh in. 

So, how do I feel? Right now, kinda indifferent. First, it's a reboot, which a selfish part of me is happy about. Let's face it, they are not gonna make a move with Shanks and company again simply because our society seems to have an obsession with sexualizing children. So since the gorgeous Amanda Tapping is not 17 with no boobs, she's not blockbuster material, at least here in the US. Now, before you people explode, I think SHE is, I THINK the entire cast of SG-1 is awesome, but let's face it: Hollywood put SHIA LABEOUF in Indiana Jones. A stupid no talent Disney-channel actor. Because we seem to like when Disney actors become disgusting trashy young adults and take their clothes off. 

I hurt for Harrison Ford every time I see the Crystal Skull...

Secondly, unless they're gonna do the story right, there's no point. No matter who you ship in the series, we all have to admit that there was a LOT of trying in seasons 9 & 10 of SG-1 that in some instances made little sense and upset fans who had been loyal for years. I know a lot of people that pretend those last two seasons didn't even exist, some of who came for Browder at the Stargate con I volunteered for, telling me there were there as a FarScape fan only, not season 9 & 10. I think that opinion alone is part of the hesitation.  That and Universe is now part of canon and that didn't go over well in some circles either. 

Oh, and we all know that Daniel ends up with Addy, and unless someone's got Shanks and Bridget Reagan on retainer, let's stick with the reboot. 

Selfish, I know. 

On the other hand though, the reboot could be good, not just as a new movie, but possibly re-imagined in a fun way (Shoot me, but I'm a Trekkie and really like the new Star Trek almost as an Alternate Universe type thing) that could benefit the original show. Next year is the last Stargate Con in the US and they are dying out all over the world, but if there was a reboot, with nods to the original, it could bring a raised interest in the original movie (which made me fall in love with Daniel in the first place) and series (all of them). I teach, for those of you who don't know, and my students are all into ALL of the Treks now because of the new movies. In teaching my AP classes I can now refer to the Kirk/Uhura kiss as we discuss human rights because most of my students have now gone back and watched the original series. Interest in the old movie and series can be good for actors, cons and merchandisers alike, all of whom, in case anyone has forgotten, make a living doing this. I have friends that help organize major cons (names hidden for nutjob reasons) but I know for a FACT a guest can make upwards of $100,000 in one weekend from autographs/talks/photos. 

Sounds like a nice way to travel and make money to me. 

My only caution is this, to whoever may be reading this and can pass this on: 

FOCUS ON THE STORY

Sure, I'm in the league of Daniel's HOTTER THAN HELL like many, but I would NOT have thought that had he just been shooting shit as the camera bounced erratically and forgot the purpose. What sucked me into all of the originals was the story, the complexity of some of the topics covered and how they dug into the characters. I jokingly sent a tweet today about Michael Bay or Bey or whatever, but I can't watch his films. They make me seasick and I completely forget the point of any of it since whatever anyone was trying to say is overshadowed by explosions or the camera acting like a five year old hopped up of caffeine. 

I guess time will tell. I'm still terrified that Disney is gonna screw up Star Wars, but I am hoping that Carrie Fisher would bitch slap anyone even remotely like Selena Gomez and that alone gives me faith. 

(So, any Stargate peeps that might read this and maybe get asked to be a new film - Miley Cyrus HATES 'Twilight' {I'd be happy to mail you a copy to scare her off with} and Robert Pattinson doesn't like to be crowded. I'm just trying to help you guys out here :D ) 

How NOT to be the cause of the end of the world

How NOT to be the cause of the end of the world

Subtitle: I legit almost lost it. For real. Here is how I didn’t. 

Step 1: Call Jodie. Ok, don’t call Jodie because the woman has other things to do than calm people down, but find a friend who has the ability to go days without sleep and call them. They will listen to you rant, try to understand and then send you insane things to make you feel better. 

Step 2: Watch dirty British comedies. Because when you are essentially told the educational equivalent of “you have six months to make it to the moon, here’s you Model T to do it in” you need to laugh and watching Eddie Izzard talk about God handing out sexual positions, or better yet, Michael McIntyre go nuts about his man drawer, you tend to be a little less....homicidal. 

Step 3: Try to take every stupid thing that happened in your meeting and make it a Stargate scenario. If you are a fan of Stargate and my OC Fan Fic Series Continuation Surprise Package here is a tid bit: 

Here was my synopsis: "Ad, ja-wer, my love, I need u to get to work on new Ancient dictionary" "Indy don't we have 1?" "Yea, but IOA wants another FOR NO REASON"

Here was my conversation with another fan fic writer friend of mine: 

There was more. Follow us. It was long and funny and amused me. Like most things do. 

Step 4: While you are at it write a Daniel & Addy sex scene, I mean why the hell not?? Open up a new pages file and have Adrienne relieve a little tension. Then get mad because you are in public and feel icky writing sex in Panera bread. So, wait until you get home to write this blog and find you already wrote a similar scene it and it is RIGHT here. 

Step 5: Get Wine. Yep, in step 5. Like the ENTIRE BOTTLE. You hopefully have closed the Panera bread, they close earlier than you thought, and now you are headed home and you need to stop for wine, not, and NOT Moscato because what is that my friends??? (If you forgot see here) and take it home and pour. 

Step 6: Get ice cream and rum, or, more like get your significant other to bring it home because you are well into your bottle of ruche and there is no way that you can stand let alone, get Ben & Jerry’s hunny....Chunkee Munkee...iz yummy....and Malibu rum....yeah...

Step 7: The gym is open till midnight...SHIT! How many calories are in that?!?! Take me to the gym. Serilsuly...I’m not drunk...Imma gunna lift weights....here...hold that....

On the floor

NOT doing sit ups

Doesn’t laughing count. 

Step 8: Call Jodie drunk and sore and ask for more British comedy. If she is asleep, which she should be, you truly need to sleep more sweetie, I care and worry, just search for Rhod Gilbert. Because nothing, truly, in funnier than watching him try to understand a $200 toothbrush. 

Step 9: Take solace in the fact that the world is gonna end next week and you are too drunk right now to buy a bomb and be the cause of it. I’m not even sure what I am typing anymore. Am I blogging? Am I writing Surprise Package? Am I grading? Is the meaning of life 42? 

Step 10: Pass out. Can somebody please put me to bed and forward this shit to MGM or whoever the fuck might find me creative or funny. Thanks. In the meantime I am going to dream that I am Addy and Daniel is nuzzling close to me.... (Didn’t think I’d get him in, didya?? Boo-yah) 

How to Fantasize

How to Fantasize

My list of my top ten fantasy guys

Subtitle: To have fantasy does not mean that your life is bad. Mine is AWESOME. I just don’t brag about it because when I see you doing it I know you’re full of bullshit and trying too hard. I’ll stop being a bitch now. Daniel will help. He always does. 

10. Jonas Quinn - Before you start flipping out this is a countdown, not a count up, but I still wanted to start with a Stargate guy.  Look, you can get all crazy purist but I’ve heard Mr. Canadian Hot Pants’ answer to this. They were talking about canceling the show. Man had KIDS to FEED. Got another job. Didn’t cancel show. Hot Pants was occupied but could do part time for a season. THAT IS IT. I have heard it from his OWN mouth. So stuff it - Corin Nemec is HAWT and Jonas Quinn was ADORKABLE and the best part was that the writers decided to ignore that fact rather than throw women at him. Made him that much more innocent. That much cuter. Jonas, baby, I would RUIN YOU. 

9. Indiana Jones - Even now. For real, have you people LOOKED at Harrison Ford? Oh my Athena, there is no way a man in his 70’s should be allowed to look that fantastic. Not only that but Indiana Jones came out when I was a kid and being the super nerd that I was my mom promptly rented the VHS the moment it came out. It even started my little thing with archaeologists (which I wanted to be for a brief moment before I realized that I would starve and probably lose Hot Roommate, neither of which I am willing to do). 

8. Han Solo - Even now. See step nine. Ok, for all of my love of destroying innocents like Jonas, I have a thing for bad guys, even bad guys that turn good. He had me at the moment he shot Greedo (which for the record, he shot first. If you can’t handle that, you can’t love Han Solo). He was bitchy, snotty and not afraid to tell you off. My little friends (yes I wasn’t even born when the first film came out I know, but I WAS 3 for Jedi and 5 by the time mom had pirated all three for me off of HBO) were all in love with Luke, he was so good and cute but nope, not me.  Bring on the pirate. He pretty much smuggled pot for crying out loud!?!? My kinda guy. 

7. Jareth the Goblin King - David Frakkin’ Bowie. In tights. With a baby. Dancing. And singing. There is nothing else that needs to be said. If you need more, well, stop reading and go back to crushing on the little Twilight Boys. 

6. Aragorn OR Legolas - Now, I have lumped these two together not only because they are from the greatness that is the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, but also because as you watch said trilogy you have to go back and forth. Why? Flow chart time!!

   Hot dark broody dude saves adorable hobbits (Aragorn love) ------ > Crazy hot archery while Mr. Broody gets all extra broody over elf girlfriend which now makes him have too much baggage (Legolas love) -------> Then hot broody guy is secret special broody and pledges to defend cute hobbits and forsake greatness (Aragorn love) --------> ENTIRE BATTLE AT ROHAN (Legolas love) -------> Hot broody goes on a quest that may kill him standing up for all of humanity like a BEAST (Aragorn love) --------> CLIMBING ON ELEPHANTS WHILE FIRING YOUR BOW, JOKING AND COUNTING YOUR KILLS (Legolas love) -------> “You my friends bow to NO ONE” 

Aragorn for the win. 

Dammit, I’m now watching Lord of the Ring. Be back in 15 hours...

*Elevator music plays. Don’t tell Shanks. I told him he is my only one and I adore him. But I’m a fan girl slut. He doesn’t need to know that. He can think I’m loyal.*

5. Madmartigan - Ok, so you have probably noticed I have a slight weakness for jerks and Val Kilmer as Madmartigan in Willow is no exception. Dude, he even looked hot wearing a dress!!! But really, is a rebel, could wield a sword, took care of a cute baby, ran around the movie losing clothes left and right, could recite love poetry and defended the little people. Sigh. Sorcha, you are a LUCKY chic. 

4. Daryl Dixon - Now for as Southern as I am, I’m almost never attracted to “Rednecks.” There is nay a country singer I have ever found attractive and camo is a HUGE turn off. However, when you kill zombies with a cross bow, your sleeves ripped off of your shirt and ride a bike, uh, excuse me while I wipe the drool. Ok. Better. Norman Reedus if you are ANYTHING like your character, please know that in the case of an actual zombie apocalypse I will be taking everyone in at the family farm in Virginia. And I have a katana and martial arts training. I welcome you to my zombie fighting team. Please come on bike. 

3. Eric Northman - This little (well not so little) bad guy hottie gets bonus points for being   immortal and having the ability to make me immortal and good powers and being crazy good in bed. He’s a vampire, with clout, that will kill the other vampires or anyone for fucking with you. And since he is a vampire he can just hypnotize people to do what you want or need them to do AND he enjoys being covered in blood so no begging for hot manip pictures. Forget me ruining him, he can ruin me. 

2. Anakin Skywalker - He is THE dark lord of the Sith. He killed EVERYBODY. He gave the Jedi Council the middle finger just to get his groove thing on. He killed nearly everyone in his path to the Dark Side on a total frakkin’ rampage.  Sorry, but that’s just hot. HAWT. He probably could have had me with some lightsaber swinging but when he double saber beheaded Dooku this fan girl was in lust. Done. That was until.....

1. Daniel Jackson. He has brown hair and blue eyes. He speaks at LEAST 28 languages. He is a GENIUS. His name is DOCTOR Daniel Jackson and he is a DOCTOR of archaeology. He is sensitive. He cares about others. He is older. He is buff. He is not afraid to tell you off. He is quick on his feet. His voice makes me melt. He makes me melt. I swear if a genie gave me three wishes I would ONLY need one and I have thought this through: 

“I would like a quantum mirror that takes me to a post SGU Stargate reality in which I am Dr. Adrienne Rowan EXACTLY like in my fan fic and can live and spend time there and return to my own reality to be with Hot Roommate and the kiddos whenever I like and have no time have passed and when I want to be Addy again be able to pop back over to Stargate world and have it be as I left it.” 

I would legit NEVER sleep again. EVER. 

Someone PLEASE find me a genie.