How to End the Mommy Wars

How to End the Mommy Wars

Subtitle: My response to the viral articles that have been gaining momentum, and what I think a NORMAL person has to say. 

Sub sub title: My blogs are long, kiss it. If you want lists go to Buzzfeed.

Here I was, trolling Facebook, pissed of because my DAMN Achilles Tendon is acting up again and I couldn't run much today when I found THIS article: 

End the Mommy Wars

I clicked, of course, because as the parent that LITERALLY was GAWKED at at my kid's school a few times (the most notable being when my hair was blue) I was curious. See, in some ways as a parent I am VERY traditional, when in others liberal does not go as far to describe how I parent. So when it comes to ending the "Mommy Wars" I'm all for it, because life shouldn't be a constant competition of trendy bullcrap that makes you look better than the next person, it should be about having a good time, making a difference, or treating others with respect.

I clicked. 

*facepalm* 

Ok, can I make this ANY clearer...

LIFE IS NOT BLACK AND WHITE! THERE IS GRAY AREA!!!

*Full disclosure*

As soon as I typed that I searched for a particular quote on living in absolutes to use and make sure it was correct attributed but this one is much better:

We ALL know what happens after this right? 

If not, you might wanna start watching Star Wars. 

Ok, so here is my response for the "Ending the Mommy Wars" - the COMMON SENSE version. 

*Disclaimer #2* - I am WELL aware of them using absolutes as an illustration of the different ends of the spectrum. Emotional, brow-beaten moms and the general public may NOT be as aware. 

Image 1: 

Natural Home Birth vs. Scheduled C-section

Here's a concept...ASK YOUR DOCTOR!!! 

Put aside the crap you've read on trendy grocery store magazines and ask someone who spent MOST of their adult life learning how to understand the human body and let THEM guide you. I have actually seen blogs discuss doctors "selling out" to big pharm blah blah blah. 

Then YOU'VE got the wrong doctor. 

Get off your butt and find a good one and stop letting someone with a computer and internet connection tell you what is best for you, your child and your body (yes, I too see the irony in that statement). 

Image 2: 

Breastfeed versus formula. 

I formula fed Will. 

I breastfed Clare. 

I did not feel connected with my child or any of that other stuff breastfeeding. 

I know right? The horror! I am SUCH a bad mom. 

Point is, I was formula day one and am a successful person. My sister was breastfed from day one and is a honors college student. We are both VERY healthy and active. You can do either, both, or a mix, as I did. 

Your kid will NOT die, trust me. 

Image 3: 

Work "outside" the home versus Stay at home mom. 

First, as someone who works FULL time in a CAREER position INSIDE the home, I take offense at that PC "outside the home" nonsense. Let's call a spade a spade, you either work or you don't. 

AND IT DOESN'T MATTER!!

OR, god forbid, you can work part-time inside the home, or outside of the home, or do home-sales, or be a stay at home mom that keeps kids or be a stay at home mom that is a super volunteer in your kids lives. 

Just get over that work crap already. 

Image 4 - 7: I was ok with these, I felt they were pretty reasonable. Any you want me to address, let me know in the comments :) 

Image 8: 

The fact that you had to put "reasonably" in your poster pretty much makes my entire case here and negates your article. Who are you afraid is gonna call you out? That disclaimer being needed pretty much makes those of us who let them cry it out (and you're damn right I did, after I changed, food check etc., you cry, I leave room and done) now have to define reasonable thereby starting another mommy war. 

Nice move there...

Image 9: 

And the bi parents? Just sayin'

Image 10: 

Again, ok fine, no beef.

Image 11: 

Ok, this is getting long for me and I'm just too bored to continue. My point is this. My kids eat McDonald's and they also like to walk to the farm stand a few miles down the road and pick out organic watermelons. There IS a middle ground, one founded in REASON and LOGIC. There is NO such thing as the perfect parent, even if you follow every trend, every book that Dr. Sears puts out, every ounce of guidance from your parents. 

You're gonna screw up, probably a lot. 

You're gonna have to do different things for different kids that work for YOUR family. 

And you know what? The fact that you took the time to CARE enough to even read something like this, says a lot about how much you care anyways. 

Keep fighting the good fight!

Sincerely,

A NOT SO PERFECT Mom :) 

How to Leave

How to Leave

Subtitle: I can't take it anymore, so I'm bowing out.

It's not called quitting when there's a better option.

Please note: Not in normal format, so bear with me...

Dear Fandom,

I would like to begin by saying that I'm sorry it took me so long to learn of you as I am normally the person that likes to learn new things, but I was super busy. First, I'd like to thank you for your kind invitation into your fold a few years ago. I was excited, it was cool to belong to something so big and rich, but I am sad to say that this letter officially marks my resignation from your group. 

As to not cause any confusion, I would like to state why...

First, the term itself is troubling. It derives from the word fan which is short for fanatic which is as a person with "excessive or single-minded zeal." Unfortunately, single-minded is probably that last way I would describe myself as I have a variety of interests in variety of areas. While I understand that English is an ever changing language and the term has come to mean simply a person that likes/enjoys something a lot, I can't shake that I know the origin and really and truly "excessive and single-minded zeal" is a lot of what I witness. 

Secondly, I don't think I can hack being a part of your organization. I have so much going on in my life, a job, a family, pets, friends, hobbies, volunteer work to know things like episode names and what time things are in syndication or the birthdate and sports teams of the children of some of the actors I like is next to impossible. Hell, I barely know some of their (actors) names; thank Athena for Wikipedia! I just don't know those little "fan" tidbits and since I have to work and pay my bills I don't have a lot of time to look them up. And honestly, I don't care. I will go to a con here or there and give a hug, but to be truthful, I'm terrified of a photo-op taking too long because I have NO IDEA what the guest is talking about when he/she/they mention a fan or personal website update last week. 

No idea. 

I'm just smiling and nodding because they play a character I like in something. 

Thirdly, and most concerning, is the bullying. Now, I understand that many of the fans have flocked to this to escape reality and have since they were in school. I didn't, I just liked the stuff in my free time, and I really can't relate to them when they talk about being bullied in school/work/life because that is just not my personal life experience. To top it off, however, what I then see, in person and online are the very same people that are whining about being bullied, bullying themselves. 

Ok I'm lost?

Is this something those of us who were not bullies or have never been victims won't get?

You see, I had always assumed that if you were, I dunno, let's say, singled out in high school to be harassed that you would never want to do that to another person, that you would want other people to live a life better than yours, not that you would turn to the internet to find your own victims. Or, if you had a rough life, which that I've had I just try not to rub it in everyone else's faces, that you would want to help others, not use it as an excuse to be abusive. That just makes no sense, and it makes me feel as if there is some psychologically wrong with the entire organization. 

Lastly, and I truly apologize for this, I think I came into this for the wrong reasons. Not to beat a dead horse, but I found you at a low time in my life and you helped get me through it. Thanks for that, but it was selfish and I tried to give back, write some stories for the other fans, but I just don't think I thought it through before joining. I like to give things 100%, my "A game" so to speak, and I haven't. I don't get fan sites, I don't join forums, I really do not feel comfortable in fan groups and I feel guilty talking to others about having a happy life that is not fictional. Because of these things, I have been VERY slack in my fan knowledge and interaction so when things are presented to me I'm back at the photo-op scenario where I just have no clue as to what is going on. As such,  I feel that since I am unable to give you my very best, and it is time that I step away. 

In closing, I'd like to thank you for your willingness to accept me. I wish you only the best. 

Sincerely,

Bri

ex-fan

now someone that just "likes" stuff 

How to Relax

How to Relax

Subtitle: Just stop right there. I do know how to relax. 

Really.

I do. 

Stop laughing. 

Who told you to buy all that Spanish wine? 

Thought so....

Step 1: Survive. Whether it be Monday (ugh like today) or the week, the month, the year, or your in-laws visiting (which we all know is some period of time between a year and an eternity in the hottest depths of hell)... (just kidding Mary xo) all you gotta do it survive. 

Step 2:  Or avoid getting arrested. I mean, sometimes, people deserve a slap down but you just can't, even though you want to, even though they really deserve it because for some unexplainable reason they have lost ALL touch with reality as a whole and not even a deity or a hot Canadian actor that looks like one could convince them of said reality you can't hit them, kick them or shoot them with a poo gun. 

Especially the poo gun thing, because only the military has those. 

Google: Gun that makes you poo

See? My friend says 'Enlisted' is pretty accurate and that man has a POO gun!

I'll wait. 

But in the off chance that you HAVE to punch someone's lights out or slash their tires, have bail money. 

Step 3:  Strip. 

Woah boys, calm down, this isn't a show. 

Get into PJs, yoga pants, fluffy socks, anything that you could NEVER set foot in a professional setting wearing. 

Me? I prefer yoga pants and a Daniel Jackson t-shirt. 

I wear him for the SAYING!! Perverts! 

That way Daniel is close to my....

Nevermind, I said there was no show here. 

Step 4: Heat. 

It is essential and can come in many forms. 

Stop thinking like that. 

Oh you weren't? That was just me? 

My bad...

Back to the heat. 

Ok, you can take a hot shower, get in the hot tub, the sauna, the electric blanket, the heating pad, the sunshine, the possibilities are endless but just get HOT. It will relax your everything and make you jello. 

No we are not drinking just yet. Unless you just wanna stay here, which is acceptable, and therefore you can skip to step 10. 

Step 5: Pour a starter drink! Ha, we didn't even get to step 10, but we need to enjoy our starter beverage before we move to step 6. 

In case you never learned this in college, I am about to impart on you one of the best pieces of advice I was EVER given:

Beer before liquor, much much sicker. 

Liquor before beer, in the clear. 

In which case I am NOT breaking the set-up of my comedic blog entries in that we are not drinking wine (which works like the beer in the rhyme above, but doesn't rhyme so we assume), we are drinking liquor. 

I recommend tequila. 

Step 6: Make food. Now, yes, I am healthy now, and fit and blah blah blah but if the day has been shitty do NOT each frakkin' tofu. 

No, I'm not advocating breaking out the brownies, I mean you can, but eat something that makes you happy because otherwise all of this great relaxation progress is going to come to a halt because you are pissed off that you have to eat some nonsense that you don't like anyway but some idiot celebrity on twitter brags about eating because she knows SOOOO much about health...

But I digress. 

Get something you want to eat. 

Right now, I am gonna get some apple and peanut butter, because I LIKE peanut butter. 

Step 7:  Get LOST. 

WAIT! COME BACK! 

I didn't mean literally!

Find a fantasy world and get lost in it. Whether it be a book, a TV show, a movie, something you are creating, anything get totally and a hundred percent lost in it. 

SCREW what anyone else thinks because if they are judging YOUR relaxation they are just jealous that they a) can't or b) are too stupid to figure out what to get lost in. 

Let yourself melt away..............

Sorry, got lost in some Daniel & Addy fan fic. 

Addy's Daniel...*sigh*

You judging? 

Two words: Reality TV

Uh huh, can we continue? 

Step 8: Put your kids to bed. Whether they be furry or smooth kids, by this point you may be a half a bottle of tequila in, slow down momma, a pan of brownies and might be Macarena-ing on the Wii. 

Forget school, your kids don't wanna see that. 

Trust me, no one can make the Macarena look good. 

Step 9:  Cards Against Humanity. 

Again, if you don't know what this is, go search it, or better yet, go check out Wil Wheaton's twitter feed. 

Jaw up. 

Oh, I thought you already knew I was going to hell. 

I've designed my throne :P

Step 10: .... a poem

Stop that fussin' and that whine

Cuz tomorrow you gotta rise and shine

But for now enjoy the fruit of the vine

And open up some Spanish wine

Not from a gas station :P 

Enjoy ya'll! 

I'm gonna relax